Fun times + hard times = life

Following the last update, I'll make every attempt to keep this one informational, though you definitely want to read to the end if you've been keeping up with us for a while.

Our darling son has finished his first year of preschool. I can hardly believe it; it feels like I was just meeting all the other moms and I still have trouble getting every kid's name right. Oh well, it's a good thing that most of them will be together again this fall. Corbin is pictured here at their end of the year party and performance during snack time. As he did in the Christmas production, he stood near the back of the group and mouthed the words and did not do the hand motions. It was surprising, his lack of involvement. He is usually singing at home all the time and in Spanish. He loves the Gipsy Kings and that is all he wants to listen to in the car and at home. We can't wait to take him to their concert next month. Danny and I went on our first date to Gipsy Kings at Chastain; we're looking forward to getting a bit nostalgic and sharing it with Corbin.

We have hit another milestone with Corbin; he is finally potty trained. Now, I hear all you Moms out there thinking that he should have been out of diapers by the time Danny was for the second time. However, I then think that you don't live in my life, so get off your high horse. Nonetheless, when I found out that Corbin was the last little darling in his class to make friends with the potty, we had a nice little heart to heart. Well, actually, it was something to the effect of "you know what to do and you're not going to wear diapers anymore." Corbin is stubborn; which he gets unfortunately naturally by both sides of the family. He just didn't care if he wet himself or whether he stank like caca instead of flowers, or his Spanish cologne. Of course, in drawing the line in the Huggies for him, I had to keep the commitment to myself. Thus began our battles to every bathroom we had an opportunity to take advantage of. Now, I am proud to say, Corbin is happy in his Spiderman Underoos and Lightning McQueen skivvies.

Last Thursday, May 21st, Corbin brought home my birthday surprise; my mom from the airport! Yes, I turned another year older over the Memorial Day weekend. More on that in a moment. It was nice to have Mom here and you can see that Corbin loved having his own personal playmate. They are pictured here on our balcony blowing bubbles.

When we three were talking about what to do for my birthday a couple months ago, Corbin decided he thought I'd like to go bowling. Well, we had been recently and he had loved it, so I guess it was on the forefront of his mind. Nonetheless, he knows his Mommy well because I love to bowl. Here are a few pictures that I was able to grab, but there were a bunch of us there. Can you see my sassy new haircut?

Danny News:

Back on May 15th, Danny was able to walk outside again and I was excited to see it. It was kind of ironic that we were there in the garden where we used to take Danny on Sunday afternoons while he was an inpatient. I walked normally around the sidewalks and it was 160 steps for me. Danny doesn't always take full steps, so it was probably more for him. Here is a quick clip of his lap.

Unfortunately, our time outside was cut short since some idiot that had robbed a nearby bank was traveling on foot and armed. Security came outside and gathered everyone inside and then locked down Shepherd. No matter, Danny still walked so much during those two hours, outside and inside, that his shirts were soaked through with sweat. Glad to know his body is working properly since he didn't sweat for so long.

We also had our check up appointment with Dr. Kaelin and he was very pleased with Danny's progress and weight loss. Danny was more excited that he was given the green light to drink a beer, if he wants one. I actually took the boys out to grab a salad and a slice the next week and Danny had a Newcastle and I had a Corona, and Corbin behaved. It was really nice to sit there and be a tad bit more normal; to have less restrictions. Amazing what the ability to enjoy a beer did for Danny's spirit.

Life surprises me sometimes, well, rarely. I'm now at the apathetic part of life where I'm not really shocked by much. Nonetheless, I started this entry yesterday and I'm glad I waited until today to post it because of what I have to add next.

Danny had therapy yesterday that kicked his butt. I'd ordered his own walker for the house to do exercises with; sit to stands, transfers, etc., but no walking yet. He took it with him to therapy yesterday so they could get it set up for him and he could practice with it. He walked a total of three hours; first hour with the walker, second hour on the manual treadmill and last hour with the walker again. At the near end of the last hour, after being fatigued, Danny was able to do something huge. Twice, he walked unassisted with the walker for about 15 feet each time. I was so proud of him and I believe he was even proud of himself and rightly so! Candy told him he'd set the bar really high, so she'd like to see him do more of that in therapy so we can translate to the home. Yea, Danny!

On a closing note, I have to ask for prayer for my nephew Brett. He is the youngest of my brother's two boys. Doctors have discovered a "bone cyst" in his right femur, near the knee that they think may be cancer. Unfortunately, the facility that does pediatric MRIs can't take him for two weeks. Please pray for Jonathan and Kari as they deal with this heavy issue with their son and pray also for Brett that the cyst will not be cancer. Brett is four years old; he will be five years old in July. I know you all are fierce prayer warriors and I am thankful to be able to call on you during our times of need.

God bless you and keep you safe!

After the caca, comes the flowers.

I suppose a little explanation of the title may be in order. Those words were the conclusion that Corbin reached following a short lesson on how nasty flies can be, but how God uses the caca that flies land on to help the flowers and crops grow. You could see the little wheels in his brain working and out popped his summary; "after the caca, comes the flowers."


Now, I know all parents are busting their buttons at how brilliant they think their child is and there is often the parent comparison game at all play dates and parties. However, the Holy Spirit grabbed me with the deep spiritual suggestion of what he said. I guess if God can speak through a jackass, he can certainly use my angel Corbin to get my attention. Nonetheless, I am constantly reminded of God's love for me through Corbin.

I can not imagine God loving me more than I love Corbin and yet, He does and He shows me that in at least a small way everyday. It is the split second in conversation with Danny that I forget our circumstances. It is the unsolicited "I love you, Mama" from Corbin. God shows His love for me in the easy way schedules fall into place and even when I have a few moments to paint my toenails. He shows me through other's stories of courage and faith through their own journey (see http://www.katherineawolf.blogspot.com/). He confirms for me that He is there when funding suddenly arrives for that therapy invoice I just received. But, out of the mouths of babes, God nudges my faith; after the caca, comes the flowers.

I gotta tell you, it's about time we see some darn flowers. I mean, I need the Atlanta Botanical Gardens to show up at my front door. I live in a perpetual state of fear that I have to push back from the forefront of my thought or I'll go crazy. For a few short sentences, okay, perhaps a couple paragraphs, I'll let you in on my fears. Maybe if I air them out, it won't seem so scary or at least you'll know how to pray for this crazy lady.

Money: I know right now, everyone seems a bit nervous about their finances, but I gotta confess, I'm terrified. Now, I'm not holding out my Shriners' Circus bucket asking for your spare change, but just venting a bit. As I see the money in our checking account dwindle down each month, the money in my 401K go up in smoke and with no other savings, I panic. I'm in a connumdrum of sorts. I could work more hours, but I wouldn't make anymore money since I'd still be having to pay for a sitter for Corbin and an assistant for Danny. So, is there something I can do from home? Seriously, I can't even keep my toilets cleaned, much less spend time on the phone or computer trying to earn some extra cash.

Here's a biggie for you; when/if will Danny be able to work again? Will it even be lucrative since he will have to learn to overcome some cognitive deficiencies? Will we lose the disability that we get if he starts to work? What if he wants to work on motorcycles again (I'll save more on this subject for another post. It might take a few.)? We have no other back up plan in place, but holding out our bucket. And, honestly, it scares me to have to depend on you because you're just trying to make it for you and your own family. Why should you help us? And, if you can afford to help someone, what makes our need greater than someone else's?

How long will Danny have to be in therapy? I don't want to quit too early and him lose momentum, but I don't want to run us into the ground either. Wouldn't that be great to get him walking again only to fall into the debt pit that is so healthy for marriages? At this point, would it be good to quit Beyond Therapy and hire a personal trainer? Is he there yet? What is the right time?

Pause. I need to vomit now. Maybe this venting my fears thing wasn't such a good idea. It seems to making me feel more like caca and much less like flowers.

I can make it. Just keep typing. There is a revelation in all this confession, right?

Okay, now that Danny can ride in my car, we take it as much as possible. The problem is this though; his wheelchair doesn't fit in my trunk, so we have to put it in the back seat with Corbin. Thus, we can't have anyone else with us or any groceries either; even my purse gets shoved up under Danny's feet after he gets settled. Plus, my car is old, 1990 and has almost 185K miles on it. Now, granted, it is a Mercedes and they can go forever, but my Dad isn't here anymore to help keep it running well and Danny can't do it physically. So, bottom line to this whole paragraph, is it time to buy a new car?

The questions continue. Do we have the money to buy a car right now? Sure, but it would take a BIG chunk out of our pocket and see nervous comments about future funds above. My car is paid for so we have no car payment which is great. Do we really want to add something else to the outgoing column in our budget? No, I don't, but my car is not working for my family. So, do we buy new or used? Do we buy a car, a station wagon, a mini van or a SUV? What is right choice? And, more often than not, if I don't know what to do, I just don't do anything. However, we've been talking about a new(er) car for me for a long time, but I'm terrified to pull that trigger and have it come back to haunt me months down the road when I have to pull Danny out of Beyond Therapy prematurely.

Ahhhhh! And, that is only about money. I think I'll keep some other fears for other days before you all plan an intervention and men in white uniforms bring me the latest style of jacket, the straight kind. However, from all the questions, He is the Answer and by the life of my little boy, God tells me how much He loves me. If God loves me a fraction of what I love Corbin and I'm willing to walk through the wilderness for him, what more will my heavenly Father do for me?

He makes promises and keeps them all. Do you want to see one of the promises he made me? The verse is found in Isaiah 43:19.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Below, Danny is doing a new thing; a marvelous thing. This day brought a renewed sense of hope when my well was dry. And, after two hours of walking over ground (mostly with the walker), the two therapists helping Danny laid hands on him and thanked the Lord for what He has done in Danny's life.

God has planted seeds all along this journey. Some fell on the path, some in the thorns and some in the good soil. Lord, let us be like the good soil, producing a crop for your Kingdom.

After the caca, comes the flowers......Amen.