Walking Forward June 25, 2008

All things going to plan, you should see the videos that I promised in my previous update. The first clip is of Danny walking with the Argo; you've also heard me refer to it as "gaiting." Candy is the one sitting on the stool behind him. Notice his left leg is moving independently and that he is able to initiate the step with his right leg.

The second clip is of Danny walking with the standard walker and a host of therapists assisting him. I'm proud to say that this was only the second time they'd attempted a standard walker and since then, he's improved with it.

Praise the Lord! These videos are outdated already. These two videos were taken the latter part of May 2008. According to Candy, Danny is improving each and every time they gait and she is encouraging him to stand at home without the assistance of his standing frame. She wants him to pull up on the sink or something stable and for him to what I'll call "free stand" for as long as he can for an entire hour. She believes this is what will put him over the edge in his quest for independence. I'm also happy to report that she wants to schedule some time for me to come with my car and they will practice transfers into the car with Danny. He is so excited and if you'll recall, this was a major goal for him. He doesn't want to have to ride in a vehicle while seated in his wheelchair. Should he be able to do this, it would be a sign of marked improvement and something that Danny can hold on to as a daily reminder to continue his fight.

I'm so proud of him and he doesn't even realize it. He often feels like he'd rather not be here, not burden me or his family with his disability, that Corbin deserves a better father. The pictures below are from Father's Day. I think Corbin feels right at home with his Dad and the pictures will speak to that end.

I love this series of photos. It is such a sweet moment that I was able to peak into and share. Now, you get to share it too. I encourage Danny to remember that this sweet little boy doesn't know that his Daddy is different; he just knows he's his Dad and that he loves him. Danny has a great opportunity to teach Corbin how to persevere through adversity just as we have the opportunity to show him what true commitment is all about. I certainly pray that the Lord will honor us in our devotion by continuing to protect Corbin from the "bad" in all of this. There are those moments that Danny's mind goes somewhere else in his anger or when Mommy cries because it all becomes too overwhelming or when she just misses her husband. My sweet Corbin is resilient, drying my tears and bringing me a Band Aid. I couldn't ask for anything more in my darling child. The Lord has truly blessed us.

Life continues to move whether we decide to stand still or not. Sometimes I feel like I'm in this weird existence like those movie clips of someone standing on a busy street corner while all those that pass them are blurred with motion. That is where I am. Friends buy second homes or have second children, get a promotion or a new job, take vacations easily and make purchases confident that their dual income home will remain as such. Yet, our lives feel like they're on hold; a space-time continuum, not that I know what that means, but it sounds very "Back to the Future." I certainly wish I could climb in that DeLorean and see where we are five years from now. Wouldn't it make this so much easier if I knew the outcome?

Danny fell asleep the other night rather quickly, but the last thing that came out of his mouth was "I just wish someone would tell me." I didn't pursue the conversation, rather waited for him to continue, but he fell asleep before there was more. I knew exactly what he meant. If we knew what tomorrow held, then it would make today easier to bear. Danny also told me out of the blue that he feels that he is in prison and no one has told him the length of his sentence. Crazy that he could pinpoint it so eloquently and perfectly. We're imprisoned to this disability with no one telling us when the end will come, or if it will ever come at all. Of course, imprisonment is a state of mind too, yet does Danny's brain have the ability to change it's point of view, it's state of mind. Can he overcome such frustration? Can I?

I keep waiting on something; pushing through each day waiting for salvation. I wonder at times where this will lead; what God's plan for all this chaos will be. How does He plan to wrap up all the loose ends or will there always be some dangling out there for remembrance sake? There are so many promises in His Word to stand on, but at times it feels like all I can do is dig my fingernails into them, beat my fist on them and cry out to the Lord making sure he remembers what He said. Of course, an ever present foundation is that His timing is perfect, He will continue His work until the day of completion, He will quiet the storm. I'm ready for the stillness after the storm because I'm getting awfully nauseous.

Perhaps this rambling makes no sense to you, perhaps there is no purpose except the marbles rolling around in my noggin needing to get out and perhaps Blogger should load video faster so I don't have time to ponder so much.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I'm sure there are times you'd wish us to go away; trust me, we wish we weren't stuck in this wilderness either. But, for a season, we are and we're glad to have the support of our family, friends, strangers and those that just happen by the blog. May God bless you in your own trials for I know all of us have a story to tell and prayers to solicit.

xt time and next videos....

Allison