Walking Forward June 25, 2008

All things going to plan, you should see the videos that I promised in my previous update. The first clip is of Danny walking with the Argo; you've also heard me refer to it as "gaiting." Candy is the one sitting on the stool behind him. Notice his left leg is moving independently and that he is able to initiate the step with his right leg.

The second clip is of Danny walking with the standard walker and a host of therapists assisting him. I'm proud to say that this was only the second time they'd attempted a standard walker and since then, he's improved with it.

Praise the Lord! These videos are outdated already. These two videos were taken the latter part of May 2008. According to Candy, Danny is improving each and every time they gait and she is encouraging him to stand at home without the assistance of his standing frame. She wants him to pull up on the sink or something stable and for him to what I'll call "free stand" for as long as he can for an entire hour. She believes this is what will put him over the edge in his quest for independence. I'm also happy to report that she wants to schedule some time for me to come with my car and they will practice transfers into the car with Danny. He is so excited and if you'll recall, this was a major goal for him. He doesn't want to have to ride in a vehicle while seated in his wheelchair. Should he be able to do this, it would be a sign of marked improvement and something that Danny can hold on to as a daily reminder to continue his fight.

I'm so proud of him and he doesn't even realize it. He often feels like he'd rather not be here, not burden me or his family with his disability, that Corbin deserves a better father. The pictures below are from Father's Day. I think Corbin feels right at home with his Dad and the pictures will speak to that end.

I love this series of photos. It is such a sweet moment that I was able to peak into and share. Now, you get to share it too. I encourage Danny to remember that this sweet little boy doesn't know that his Daddy is different; he just knows he's his Dad and that he loves him. Danny has a great opportunity to teach Corbin how to persevere through adversity just as we have the opportunity to show him what true commitment is all about. I certainly pray that the Lord will honor us in our devotion by continuing to protect Corbin from the "bad" in all of this. There are those moments that Danny's mind goes somewhere else in his anger or when Mommy cries because it all becomes too overwhelming or when she just misses her husband. My sweet Corbin is resilient, drying my tears and bringing me a Band Aid. I couldn't ask for anything more in my darling child. The Lord has truly blessed us.

Life continues to move whether we decide to stand still or not. Sometimes I feel like I'm in this weird existence like those movie clips of someone standing on a busy street corner while all those that pass them are blurred with motion. That is where I am. Friends buy second homes or have second children, get a promotion or a new job, take vacations easily and make purchases confident that their dual income home will remain as such. Yet, our lives feel like they're on hold; a space-time continuum, not that I know what that means, but it sounds very "Back to the Future." I certainly wish I could climb in that DeLorean and see where we are five years from now. Wouldn't it make this so much easier if I knew the outcome?

Danny fell asleep the other night rather quickly, but the last thing that came out of his mouth was "I just wish someone would tell me." I didn't pursue the conversation, rather waited for him to continue, but he fell asleep before there was more. I knew exactly what he meant. If we knew what tomorrow held, then it would make today easier to bear. Danny also told me out of the blue that he feels that he is in prison and no one has told him the length of his sentence. Crazy that he could pinpoint it so eloquently and perfectly. We're imprisoned to this disability with no one telling us when the end will come, or if it will ever come at all. Of course, imprisonment is a state of mind too, yet does Danny's brain have the ability to change it's point of view, it's state of mind. Can he overcome such frustration? Can I?

I keep waiting on something; pushing through each day waiting for salvation. I wonder at times where this will lead; what God's plan for all this chaos will be. How does He plan to wrap up all the loose ends or will there always be some dangling out there for remembrance sake? There are so many promises in His Word to stand on, but at times it feels like all I can do is dig my fingernails into them, beat my fist on them and cry out to the Lord making sure he remembers what He said. Of course, an ever present foundation is that His timing is perfect, He will continue His work until the day of completion, He will quiet the storm. I'm ready for the stillness after the storm because I'm getting awfully nauseous.

Perhaps this rambling makes no sense to you, perhaps there is no purpose except the marbles rolling around in my noggin needing to get out and perhaps Blogger should load video faster so I don't have time to ponder so much.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I'm sure there are times you'd wish us to go away; trust me, we wish we weren't stuck in this wilderness either. But, for a season, we are and we're glad to have the support of our family, friends, strangers and those that just happen by the blog. May God bless you in your own trials for I know all of us have a story to tell and prayers to solicit.

xt time and next videos....

Allison

Keep On Keeping On! June 10, 2008

This is a test. A test of Allison's technical skills. Hopefully, all things going well, you should be able to see a short video of Danny at Beyond Therapy. In this video, Danny is working on "sit to stands" using a standard walker. The two therapists are holding onto a gait belt to give Danny a boost and keep him steady while he stands. Otherwise, the work is all on Danny. I'm especially proud of him considering he did this move for one full hour, over and over again. This video was shot near the end of that hour.

Should this video work, my next task is to get some feed from my video camera of Danny walking with the Argo and standard walker for you all to view. It is simply amazing!

We've had some milestones reached since I posted in April! Oh, my goodness, I can't believe it's been that long. I know it seems like the same song and dance routine I've been giving for awhile, but honestly, I get tired of only having the small steps to report. I want BIG ones and I know you want to hear them too. Perhaps, though, I should just keep my mouth shut or my fingers controlled to be thankful for small steps because they are steps nonetheless. Okay, enough of the pep talk, I think I'm ready to begin.

Danny is now walking laps with the Argo walker. Yesterday, he walked two laps of the gym and then walked full court with a standard walker. Yes, you read that correct. Now, he does need quite a bit of assistance while walking with the standard walker, but the first times he walked with the Argo, it took five people too. Now, it only takes two! So, I'm happy!

In the video I'm hoping to post, Danny is using his left leg all on his own and the right leg he is able to pull through the majority of the time without much assistance. This is huge improvement and I know it's a matter of time before this chapter is over, but I'm ready for it and I know he is too.

The therapists have set some goals for Danny: (1) to be able to walk 50ft with a standard walker with minimal assistance and (2) to be able to transfer himself. The goal is set for the end of August, so keep your knees on the ground and your voice towards heaven that the Lord would show favor towards Danny and give him the strength and give his brain the ability to control his body and his body to listen.

They're also targeting his abs and we're still tackling the weight. Danny is down to 240lbs. which is a big improvement for him and I'm hoping that with summer, he'll have the desire to continue to choose healthy food and drink lots of water!

Corbin is making changes of his own. All of the sudden about five weeks ago, he started to freak out at bed time; night or day, it did not matter. On our first night of frustration, he screamed for 30 minutes and I mean the kind of screaming that makes you gag and cough because you've done it so hard. It was during this escapade that he figured out how to crawl out of his crib. I'd punish him and put him back and he'd just climb right out again. It was a futile fight and at 2am I gave in and brought him to bed with us. Yes, I hear all you parents out there moaning that I shouldn't do that. However, as someone with so much to take care of and so little rest anyway, some sleep was better than no sleep. The problem was that whenever Danny woke up, so did Corbin, so it wasn't really a solution and since I was concerned with him falling on the hardwood floors when crawling out of his crib, we decided it was time for the Big Boy Bed! The picture is before his first night in his new bed.

Thus far, we've slowly moved away from Corbin asking me to "rock yourself" while he falls asleep and then sneaking away like I did when he was a baby. The last four or five nights, he has fallen asleep on his own and I'm so thankful for that.

Corbin has another first in this update. Today, Corbin went to his first summer day camp. It is at the church where he'll be attending preschool this fall. He will go three days this week, next and the last week in July. He was all pumped up about it, especially playing musical instruments like the Little Einsteins. I just hope they do music since I totally made that up to get him excited. The closer we got to the church, the less he wanted to go, but on my last look, he was alright. This is Corbin so happy his mom made him look into the sun to take a picture of him going to a camp he wasn't so happy about going to after she had to wake him up to get him ready to leave the house.


Corbin is the popular one in this update, which isn't much different than it is at home. He also has news regarding his sitter. Ileana, Danny's cousin that has kept Corbin since he was six weeks old, has moved on to a new opportunity and we're happy for her. She has been a "constant" in Corbin's life for so long, giving him structure in our at times chaotic environment. We wish her the best and know that since she's family, she's never really out of the picture.


This leads me to a prayer request. I need to find someone more permanent for him. It's a blessing that it is summer and I can help some trustworthy youth from our church while they help me with Corbin. However, I will have to have someone new in place in the next month or so. Corbin starts preschool in September, going Monday, Wednesday and Fridays until noon and then I work still Tuesdays through Thursdays. So, the schedule would be Tuesday and Thursday full days and then half day on Wednesday. If you know of a good nanny or a good home care environment, please email me. We're in the Vinings/Smyrna area. Thanks!

Lastly, I guess I'll leave you with one picture taken from our new condo. This is what we get to see every evening; a gentle reminder that we're one day closer and that just as we can depend on the sun setting, we know that God is here with us. Just breathe!













P.S. I apologize for the spacing issue, but I couldn't fix it after trying numerous times. Hopefully, you won't hold it against me.