Recent Therapy Video and Fundraising Campaign is OPEN!

This is the reason I need your help to keep Danny moving in Beyond Therapy. This clip was taken last Friday, December 12th.

I'm excited to share with you that our fundraising campaign with the National Transplant Assistance Fund is officially open! We've received our first donation and with that, a Web site is now available for you to donate online. You can visit http://www.catastrophicfund.org/ and click in the yellow box marked "FIND A PATIENT WEBSITE." Enter "DIAZ" and it will direct you to click on Danny's name, where you'll then find our personal page. I have not yet edited it, but will be able to add photos, a link to our Web site and blog and other information as necessary. It is a great tool and we're excited about this partnership with NTAF.

For all of you looking to get the added benefit of a tax deduction for 2008, please thoughtfully consider helping us keep Danny in this wonderful Beyond Therapy Program. He has made more strides, more momentum, more progress in the last two months than the year prior. For ways to donate, please see the information below.

For information about NTAF, please visit www.catastrophicinjury.org.

To make a donation by check:

1. Make check payable to NTAF Southeast Brain Injury Fund,

2. In Memo section of check, print In Honor of Danny Diaz, and

3. Send to NTAF 150 N. Radnor Chester Road, Suite F-120 Radnor, PA 19087.

To make a donation by Credit Card, please call 800-642-8399 or visit www.catastrophicfund.org and click to find Danny's page.

Legal ease from NTAF: Contributions are tax-deductible to the extent allowed by law. This campaign is adminstered by the National Transplant Assistance Fund, a 501 (c) (3) nonprofit providing fundraising assistance to transplant and catastrophic injury patients.

Thank you!

Confessions of a fundraising campaign starter and blogspot avoiding writer

"Hi. My name is Allison and I'm a slacker. It's been almost two months since my last post and my readers are starting to ask questions."

"Welcome, Allison. We're here to help. Come, sit down and take a deep breath. It will all come back to you and everyone will be just fine."

"But, I'm not sure I remember everything and I don't have all the pictures and video ready to load. I don't have final numbers from the fundraisers. People will ask questions. I won't meet expectations."

And, so that goes to the point of my life. Meeting Expectations, rather Exceeding Expectations. I'm a pleaser, a planner and a right now a peruser of stores for Christmas gifts. But, enough about me. How is Danny? How is Corbin?

Getting to the failed business at hand....

As you can tell from the photo, our family entered the costume contest at our church's fall festival; playing the part of doctor is Corbin sporting surgical scrubs with "Dr. Corbin" embroidered on the front along with his personal pediatric stethoscope. I am playing the part of nurse or therapist at Shepherd Center and as you've figured out by now, Danny aka "Homie" is the patient. No, I didn't punch Danny's eye or break his nose; those are called props, people! Anyway, for our efforts, we placed 2nd in the Family Participation category and earned a gift card to the movies. I hope to use that soon as there seem to be a bunch of fun, kid friendly movies coming out soon.

Catching up from the last post, the Memorial Ride went well. We had about 50 riders or so and Danny had a fabulous time. No, I don't have any pictures yet. See above slacker comment. I did, however, have the most fun racing the go-carts on the speed track. Thank you, Lisa!

Speaking of Lisa, brings me to pool therapy, which leads my mind to this short clip below.

A brief background of therapy since I last wrote, Danny has made some big strides and I'm happy to report I mean that literally. It seems like each week, he does something greater, stronger or just plain new than the week prior. See video.

On this particular Friday, November 21st, Danny did new and unexpected, unplanned moves. First of all, while standing at the Smith machine (single bar that Danny holds onto while performing standing exercises) an aerobic step was placed at his feet. He was ask to merely place each foot on the top and then bring it back to the starting position. Well, Danny decided to step up onto the step with both feet and then kept on doing it; with the weaker right leg leading and the stronger left leg leading. It was great and his therapist was pleased.

I happen to casually mention this to Lisa when Danny was starting his pool session later that same day. So, they worked on going up the stairs. Now, mind you, this is the first time he'd climbed stairs since the accident. All the sudden, he's doing it. So, Lisa is so pleased she calls Paige to come and have a look. Paige is so pleased, she asks Danny to climb out of the pool by the stairs. See video. (This is clip one of three, but the other two are too large to do through blogger. I have to do it from home via YouTube. Again, slacker confession above.)

Although you don't see it, Danny does in fact make it all the way out of the pool and into the waiting shower wheelchair you should see on the right side of the video. I was so proud and so was everyone else, except Danny. It was so significant because 1. he'd never done stairs until this day 2. it was his 3rd session of the day and he was fatigued 3. he had no Bioness on his right leg (electrical stimulation) and 4. he didn't use the walker or the Argo, just merely held onto Paige's shoulders with Lisa supporting his knees from behind him.

So encouraged were his therapists, that last Friday, December 5th, Danny had to walk into the pool. See that long ramp to Danny's left in the video? Well, he had to walk holding onto a therapist's shoulders all the way to the stairs. And, that is an Olympic size swimming pool folks. Maybe I can get the video to post.

This was after Danny had walked four lengths of the gym during which he was told that he was taking bigger strides with his right leg than anyone had seen him do. It was so positive for me to see him walk so much, stepping about 50% of the time with his right leg independently. Danny has also begun to sweat more than I've seen him do post-accident. I find this to be a positive indication that his body is finally working together and working properly.

Wednesday, December 3rd, Danny was a rock star. He used the walker during his gaiting session and according to Candy, did his best walking to date. Let me put it to you this way; on their second trip down the length of the gym, Candy made sure there was someone videotaping. Danny was even proud of himself. I've posted a few lines of an email that Danny actually crafted, so these are his words.

"Finally, thank God! Today at therapy I saw all the hard work start to pay off. I was doing my walking hour in the gym with the standard walker and low and behold my right leg came out to play today. Its been an ongoing battle. When I'm walking with the arjoe its fine because with the momentum of my left leg I can just push the arjoe cuz its on wheels and I can drag my right foot along for the trip. But the walker Oooh! there's a different story. You see there are no helpful little wheels on it you must step every step. And today I walked 2 lengths of the gym faster than I ever have even with the arjoe but I did it with the walker. When we started on our voyage, I was like great, here we go again. When are these idiot therapists going to get it? DUH! My right leg doesn't play this game and what do you know it even shocked me. It was stepping along like "gees is this what you wanted me to do all along?" Before I knew it, we were at the end of the gym turning around. I couldn't believe I'd gone that fast. I know God is trying to teach me something with this whole thing, but what was His point with my right leg? Now all I need is for my left arm to wake up."

All these positive reports have brought me to a very important introduction to our fundraising campaign. As most of you know, Danny's participation in Beyond Therapy is not covered by insurance and costs between $700 and $850 a week. In addition, Danny still needs caregiving assistance for daily living needs categorized as custodial care, which is also not covered by insurance. Personal funding for Danny's on-going care and therapy is exhausted and thus we've teamed up with the National Transplant Assistance Fund (NTAF) and their catastrophic injury team.

The NTAF is a nonprofit organization, offering "fiscal accountability" and provides "patients and their families, friends and communities with the necessary tools to raise funds for uninsured injury-related expenses." Donations sent through the NTAF in Danny's honor are now tax deductible and used only for Danny's medical expenses. This organization is exactly what we've needed to offer you the benefit of a tax deduction and they will also assist in the marketing of upcoming fundraisers. We are also able to offer "gift in kind" donation forms from services given that result in donations in Danny's honor to NTAF. 96% of your donation goes directly to Danny's needs; a mere 4% administrative fee for the NTAF. Once a donation is received to the NTAF in Danny's honor, a Web site will be linked from NTAF in Danny's name and you'll be able to give online as well. Basically, this organization is the link we've been missing.

Danny has so much momentum in his progress right now; more than I've ever seen since his start in Beyond Therapy. It would be a disservice to him to have to withdraw because of funding. He would lose all that he has worked so hard for and his future would fall further out of his reach. Please help us keep Danny where he needs to be in Beyond Therapy and help us have a future that has a more normal looking face.

For information about NTAF, please visit www.catastrophicinjury.org. To make a donation by check 1. Make check payable to NTAF Southeast Brain Injury Fund, 2. In Memo section of check, print In Honor of Danny Diaz, and 3. Send to NTAF 150 N. Radnor Chester Road, Suite F-120 Radnor, PA 19087. To make a donation by Credit Card, please call 800-642-8399 or visit www.transplantfund.org.

Legal ease from NTAF: Contributions are tax-deductible to the extent allowed by law. This campaign is adminstered by the National Transplant Assistance Fund, a 501 (c) (3) nonprofit providing fundraising assistance to transplant and catastrophic injury patients.

Thank you for your consideration in making a donation towards Danny's future and the future of our family. Any financial help, no matter how large or small, will keep Danny on the road to walking again.

Memorial Ride Fundraiser & Other News

Getting straight to business; below, you'll see the flyer for the "Ride for Beau for Danny" that is taking place this Sunday, October 26th.

Beau "Grits" Horner was a well loved employee at Killer Creek Harley Davidson who lost his life in a motorcycle accident a bit more than a year after Danny's. Since Danny is a long time friend and associate of Killer Creek, the folks there decided it best to honor two lives who greatly impacted the scene at KCHD. Therefore, the proceeds from the memorial ride will go to support Danny's continued participation in Beyond Therapy. And, we all know how much that has improved our lives! So, pass the information on to someone you know who rides, or just come hang out with us afterwards at Ethyl's. It'll be a fun night for everyone.

This isn't the first time the folks at Killer Creek have hopped on the hog, so to speak, to lend us a hand. In fact, just two months after Danny's accident, our friends organized a benefit ride. Danny was still at Shepherd, still not talking, moving or much of anything. We got permission from his doctor to take him outside for the ride as it passed by the hospital. I will never, ever forget the moment that those bikes started passing us. I watched Danny's face and you could see the realization wash over his face as he recognized what these riders were there for; they were there for him. Passing by, waving their hands, beeping their horns and revving their engines to show him their support. And, for the first time since his accident, Danny showed an emotion; he cried big tears, as I do now reliving that moment. It was a moment for me that confirmed my Danny was still inside, alive and aware. That moment means more to me than any of that money that was raised. It was priceless.

So, three years later, our friends are doing more of the same. Showing their support and having fun while doing it. I've been told that Beau would have wanted Danny to benefit from the memorial ride; he would have wanted Danny to succeed. I never met Beau, but Danny remembers him, so this means the world to him. If you come out on Sunday, you'll find Danny totally in his element; sporting his Harley shirt, shoes, wheelchair (it is orange and black and it does have the bar and shield logos on both sides), and Harley stickers all over the van. I tease him that he is a rolling advertisement for HD and we should be getting some kind of compensation for it. I guess, in a strange way, through this ride, we will be.

Moving on...updates, updates, updates!

The 3rd Annual Chopper Classic was held on Monday, October 6th. It was a beautiful day and we had a great time. For obvious economic reasons or election reasons, we didn't have as large a turn out as we've had before, but I believe those who played or who visited had fun and we raised some money at the same time. I haven't gotten the final numbers yet, but I believe we'll end up with between $3K - $4K. Danny's monthly care/therapy is about $6500, so every bit helps. Thank you to those of you who played, donated, planned, helped, prayed; whatever you did, we appreciate it! It does, in fact, take a village.


Danny has also done some new things of late and we're very excited. In his gaiting sessions, he has begun to use his hip flexor to actually lift his right foot, rather than use the momentum of the step with his left leg to pull his right leg through. It isn't consistent, but it is happening which leads us to believe that it can become more consistent. To help the hip flexor fire more, Danny has done a new exercise; crawling. I've included a photo so you can see exactly what it entails. Basically, with the support of the floor to take the weight off the leg, Danny can concentrate on just pulling the leg forward by "firing" from the hip. This exercise also helps with his balance and coordination and weight bearing for his left arm especially. All good things.


Danny has also, and I'm so excited to say, been able to do a complete sit up without pulling on anything, and from about a 28 degree incline. Well, he hasn't just done one, but many, many by now and I can tell all the ab work they've been doing with Danny is really paying off. They are so focused on getting his abs built up and firing consistently that they have replaced one pool session with more exercise based activity and more exercises are based on developing his trunk control. However, the issue remains; Danny's weight.

I am not one that is ignorant on healthy eating as I've had to watch my diet the majority of my life. I've done lots of reading and I love to cook, so I've researched lots of recipes. But, Danny's weight has become my biggest frustration. How long ago did I first mention Danny's weight problem? I mean, even when Danny began Beyond Therapy, I was excited that he'd finally be able to move some of that extra weight off. And, here we are, more than a year later and it's not moving. As I mentioned months ago, Danny's therapists believe that he could at least use a standard walker in the home environment if he were to lose the extra 40lbs. he carries around his middle. Hello, incentive! Well, we really hunkered down on the diet, weighed him every Friday at Shepherd and what is the result? He's lost five pounds, gone back up five pounds, down three, back up five. It's like a see-saw and I don't want to see anymore of what I saw!

Like anyone of us that tries a new diet for a couple weeks with no results, what do you think Danny wants to do? Quit! Exactly! He works out in Beyond Therapy nine hours a week and on his off days, does weight lifting exercises at home and we diet. What is going on? It's like his body is scared to let it go or something. So, we met with Dr. Kaelin.

Our appointment with Dr. Kaelin went well. He was happy with Danny's physical improvements. We discussed Danny's potential hearing loss. I said, WE DISCUSSED DANNY'S HEARING LOSS, for those of you like my husband that might say "what?" when I mention that. Danny gets to go get a hearing test and I'm so excited; perhaps I'll only have to repeat myself because Danny can't remember what I said, rather than the combination of can't remember and can't hear. And, of course, we discussed the diet. Dr. Kaelin wants to cut Danny's caloric intake to 1500 calories a day. Isn't that fun? Not that I have anything else to do, but now I have to count calories. Have you done that? I mean, in all my diet watching, I've never really taken the time to look at calories. It's amazing what you learn and what you find out you didn't want to learn. So, we go back to see Dr. K on New Year's Eve Day to check Danny's weight loss. If he hasn't lost a minimum of 12-15lbs., we get to talk about options.

Right now, the only option for Danny and the only option I'd be willing to do, is liposuction. Now, like some of you, I've watched a few seconds of those Discovery Channel episodes where they show some plastic surgeon shoving a long metal vacuum cleaner into the abdomen of some unconscious person. I cringe at that thought for Danny, but I've been assured that they don't go through the muscle which was my first concern. I mean, these ab muscles are just now getting there and now we're going to pierce right through them? No worries since they suck the fat between the skin and the muscle. Nice picture, right? Has everyone had lunch yet? Anyway, Danny, of course, says "let's do it now" so he doesn't have to suffer through 1500 calorie days, but I would really like to avoid putting Danny under anesthesia again, much less thinking about that long metal vacuum and the damage it could do.

So, PLEASE pray that Danny's body starts flushing out the fat, cause I'm about to put us all on bread and water, or chicken and water, or the rice diet, the grapefruit diet, the soup diet. Ahhh, the agony! Dramatic enough for you? But, seriously, this is a huge obstacle, pun intended and we're all tired of fighting the fat battle.

What else? What else? Oh, Corbin and I had a mini vacation this past weekend; just the two of us. He'd started not wanting to be away from me; crying when he went to the sitters and to school and even when we tucked him in at night, he didn't want me to leave. I figured it was about time to give him some much needed undivided attention from Mom. Thanks to Uncle Paul and Aunt Darlia, we headed up to Big Canoe and thoroughly enjoyed our time up in the mountains. We visited the pumpkin patch, took a hayride, ate hot boiled peanuts, apple fritters and warm apple donuts. We drank chocolate milk and apple cider and brought home stuff from all those places. It was a fun time just for the two of us to share together and I'm so thankful we were able to spend that time away. My husband missed us, but admittedly tells me he missed Corbin more than me. That's a given right? I mean, he is such a great kid. We are truly blessed. Here are a couple of pictures from our weekend.










Summing up, come out and hang with us on Sunday at Killer Creek and at Ethyl's, we had fun at the golf tourney, Danny's doing new stuff in therapy (praise the Lord), gotta kick the weight off him and this Mama enjoyed her weekend with her boy.



Love to you all!



Allison "riding on" Diaz

Bottoms Out!

Considering my previous post was pretty, well, let's just say we could have titled it "Deep thoughts by Allison." So, I thought this post should be a bit more humorous so I've decided to share some rather telling scenes that have happened recently.

First of all, on September 20th, we celebrated Corbin and his 3rd birthday! It was such a fun day and he got lots of good presents. It was also the first time I think he really grasped the whole present tradition. He was really into it, but at the same time, it was important that he clean up the wrapping paper before moving on to the next gift. Everyone together now, "OCD." Now, some of you maybe pointing fingers at me and Danny, but seriously, this kid likes things to be in their place. I'm not complaining because it helps me out so much, but I just hope he isn't on some fainting couch at age 40 talking to his shrink about how he has bad dreams about things being out of order.

Okay, enough of my rambling and back to the Birthday Boy! Corbin is our first "Bottoms Out" contestant modeling his new Plasma Car that he received for his birthday from Grammy and Papa. I'd definitely say that he is the front runner at this point in the competition.

Next up, I'm afraid to say is me. While I am happy to report that I do not have a photo of this incident, I do believe, it has made an impression, at least on Corbin. A bit of background; Candy, Danny's therapist, had told Danny that she wanted him to be standing in his standing frame or sitting in a straight back chair the majority of time that he is at home. So, wanting to be in compliance with her instructions, I helped get Danny up in his standing frame, then sat him in an arm chair at the dinner table. It was the first time, he'd sat down to eat in a real chair and while he wasn't happy about it, we made it through dinner. Now comes the good part.

In order to get Danny back in his wheelchair, we performed a stand and pivot and needed to stand again to get his butt all the way back in the chair. So, up we stand and then, as I assist him to slowly sit down, I squat and suddenly, there was a cold breeze on my bum. My favorite summer weight denim J. Crew jeans that I have had since college and could only recently fit back into ripped down the crack and down both legs exposing my bum to my poor child forced to sit behind me and witness such a mooning.

Thankfully, we laughed and continued to laugh since Corbin began to desperately beg me to fix my pants with a look of concern spread across his cute face. I still laugh at this moment since Corbin has since asked me not to help Daddy stand up because my "pants will break."

Thankfully, the only soul to witness this exposure was Loida who was there to lend a hand in the transfer.

An update in the competition, I believe Corbin is still in the lead at this point, but our third contestant will be revealed in a few lines.

Last Saturday, we decided to break down and take Corbin to a much loved Georgia tradition; the North GA State Fair. And, since we were doing something new, we also decided to ride in a car rather than the van to which point Danny was very excited.

Corbin loved, loved, loved the fair. He went on a pony ride, saw an Albino Python (Mom closed her eyes as she held him up to see in the box), rode many rides and ate his first corn dog and funnel cake. It was a day to remember for sure. A few photos to commemorate....

Oh, the motorcycles! Like father, like son, what can I say? He rode the whole thing with a huge grin on his face while the kid in front of him, whose father was standing next to me, screamed bloody murder. I tried not to laugh while I stuck my chest out in pride for my undaunted child.

The fire engine was another careful selection on this ride of a variety of vehicles. I think it poignant that he is sporting his Georgia Bulldogs jersey and riding in the fire and rescue truck; the Dawgs sure did need someone to come to their aid on Saturday night. I think Corbin could have made fewer penalties.

And, lastly, the caterpillar roller coaster. By the way, Corbin is the kid in the red, in case you couldn't figure it out. Yet another kid sat, this time behind Corbin, crying and screaming for her daddy. So much so, the operator stopped the ride to let her off before letting the other kids finish their turn. Again, if I'd had buttons on my shirt, they'd have been busting.

Okay, I'm finally getting to our third contestant; my darling, husband. As I mentioned above, we'd ventured to take Aunt Kaki's car (Honda Element), to the fair rather than the huge van. This means, of course, we had to transfer Danny in and out of the car. Thankfully, although parking at the fair was in grass and gravel, we were able to pull right up to the front entrance/exit which was paved to unload/load Danny.

So we exited, all tired and worn slap out from the chaos, I mean fun, of the fair. Corbin is hopped up on homemade lemonade and powdered sugar and I'm just hoping this transfer into the car goes smoother than the loading at the condo.

Danny stood up fantastically, but the height of the Element seat, while much lower than most small to mid-size SUVs, was just high enough for Danny that he couldn't get much of a sit in before hitting the seat. Well, while I'm trying to get Danny to pivot so his butt is aimed at the seat I hear him say, "my pants are falling down." In my desperation and fear of reliving past fallings, I respond with a firm "I don't care if your pants are falling as long as you don't fall."

It's then that I realize the seriousness of the situation when I feel Danny shorts slip down his legs. I look down seeing him standing strong, in his briefs, with his shorts pooled at his ankles. He, of course, begins to laugh and I make a quick scan of the many people going into and exiting the fair who have seen this happen, but are trying not to watch the train wreck. Mothers are covering their children's eyes and men are seeing, but don't want to get caught checking out another man in his underpants. I'm snapped back to reality and thankful that Danny stopped laughing long enough that I could reach down and scoot his shorts back up in position. At this point, I just wanted to get him in the car and leave. I was done, but once we got home, we all laughed together and Danny said "you have to write this in the blog." And, there it is, our Bottoms Out Contest.

So, as a recap; Contestant #1 is Corbin with naked plasma car riding, Contestant #2 is me with my new air conditioned denim jeans and Contestant #3 is Danny for dropping draws at the State Fair. Please vote responsibly.

As I close this long and hopefully light hearted entry, I'd like to remind everyone that the 3rd Annual Chopper Classic Golf Tournament is this Monday, October 6th. It is supposed to be a gorgeous day with temperatures topping out at 76, with low humidity and a slight breeze. Come out and join us for all the fun and fellowship. Go to http://www.tgusa.org/ and click on Aflac Chopper Classic for details.

Thank you all! I'll update again next week with more recovery focused information.

Honor

Today brings a mix of emotions as I'm sure it does for many of you. Personally, on a day where so many lives were changed in an instant, I am brought back in time to September 11, 2001 and brought back to August 16, 2005.

Certainly not minimizing the tragedy of September 11 and the thousands of lives lost and changed, but I am reminded of how our own lives changed so suddenly. I give honor to their memory and I empathize with those that lost for I too lost.

September 11, 2001 was going to be a special day for me as I was scheduled to pose for my bridal portrait. Perhaps you can see how I tie this day in with our marriage, the start of our life together and how that led to the sharp end of one life and the very different beginning of another. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and tell that young couple to soak up every moment together, to make each day special and to always cling tightly to each other for life was going to change for them. There would one day be loss and it would come much sooner than they would expect. It wouldn't be in old age with a gradual decline in health; it would be in the midst of a beautiful change, the pending birth of their first child, that tragedy would strike. Life pays no mind to right timing.

As many wives lost their husbands that day, I too lost mine over three years ago. I'm not sure you understand or can comprehend the abrupt change in Danny. You may say or think that Danny lives; how can I ever feel anything other than joy? The truth is that I mourn many things because of the events of August 16Th; I miss my husband that never took no for an answer, who self taught himself the art of everything, who was good at all things and who was determined to succeed and provide. I miss the man that I had to touch while we slept, the man who stood just tall enough that I could stand underneath his chin while we embraced, the man who was proudly showing off 3D ultrasound pictures of Corbin and the man that never got to see his son born or knowingly hold him to his chest and smell that sweet newborn baby. I mourn the loss of the father Danny expected to be for Corbin and I mourn for Corbin because of his loss. Although Corbin knows no different, I do and Danny does. I miss the life we had and the life I envisioned with the birth of Corbin. Those dreams were shattered, as Danny was, by a red Chevy Astro van and the man that made a bad choice.

The qualities that attracted me to Danny in 1999, well, actually I was attracted to him as a friend much earlier than that, but I digress. Those qualities do appear in post-accident Danny, but not like they did before. After the accident, I heard that the toughest part of a brain injury and the affect on relationships, was a change in personality. I didn't see it for a long time and I remember being excited when I saw Danny move with the same mannerisms. It gave me hope that Danny hadn't changed. But, what is unfair to Danny, is that I expected him to remain the same, yet I didn't. No one that has been touched by this accident is the same. Our families are certainly not the same because they too mourn the loss of their son, brother, nephew and uncle and the dreams they had for him. Our friends have changed too, which we were told to expect. Friends and family have each had to deal with this tragedy on their own; some have done better than others.

So, I had expectations that as before, Danny would dive into this unfair altercation and face it head on, knocking his recovery out of the park like he did everything else in his life. How unfair of me; and I still struggle with it more than anything. And, the question looming in the back of my mind is will he ever be who he was before, only better from overcoming such adversity? Yet, worry does no good; it does not add to our lives and it does not change outcomes. I have to continue to give that one back to the Lord and trust Him with Danny. It's hard, though. My prayer is that the Lord will awaken the dead areas of Danny's brain for literally, all hope lies there. I fervently pray that Danny will return to us wholly restored. A bone that is broken and then set heals stronger than it was before and that is what I want for Danny; for him to be a better man than before, a better husband, father, son, brother, and friend. It's a hard thing to imagine a better Danny; he was so great before.

So, on this day of honoring those that were lost on this day seven years ago, I honor my husband who was lost and still feels lost from himself and from the life he knew. Bear with me for a few lines.

Danny, this is the first time, I write directly to you on this blog. I know you are probably struggling to read this, holding a piece of mail under each line to make it through or you'll ask me to read it to you. I don't tell you enough how proud I am of you. I have set unrealistic expectations of you to be all that I need you to be for me and for Corbin and have not given you time to deal with this yourself. For that, I apologize. I know right now, you're saying that I have nothing to apologize for, but I know I do. I know that as you told me before your accident, you'd rather be dead that stuck in that wheelchair. And, yet, you still choose to keep going. Although recovery is slow, although you feel like you're going mad, although you can't remember the simplest things sometimes and you feel stupid, you keep going. You do have a choice and I applaud you for choosing to press on towards your goal, our goal. There is courage there, there is determination, there is the man that never says no. I can see that man when you force your legs to step, when you adjust your weight to stay upright and I can even see that man when you ask me about the future, wondering just where this will end. I see you worry about providing for your family, I see a man who doesn't want this to beat him down, who is determined to get back on the horse, the steel horse that is. I see in you a father that is torn between two worlds, but that keeps trying to be the right kind of father. For all these things, I admire you and I love you. I do not know where I'd be now if you were not a part of my life; no, correction, you are my life. You are my breath, my heartbeat, my mind, my hands, my feet, my hope, my future; all these things lie in you. So, know this, you are not alone because I sit with you in that wheelchair of a prison, I fight with you for each step, I fight with you to take your life back and I fight with you to overcome the deficits in your mind. In a word, as we bring honor to the Lord with our lives, I honor you and I am honored to be your wife. It is a difficulty I could not face without you and as I said to you on Thanksgiving Day 2001, when you would hardly whisper a word, you keep knocking from your side and I'll keep knocking from mine. We'll eventually meet in the middle. Thanks for continuing to knock.

I apologize for those of you reading this; perhaps you feel it inappropriate that I address Danny directly, but really, it's long overdue. This way, too, whenever he doubts in himself, or doubts in me, he can go back and read the words and hopefully, find a bit of reassurance.

Today, I merely wanted to bring honor to the lost and honor to the living, but ultimately honor to the Lord. It is only through Him that we have another day to do battle for the greater good. He is truly able to take what Satan meant for evil and make it something beautiful. One day, Danny and I will look back and see the roads we've traveled and what a beautiful painting it will be.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me enough hope to get through each day, for giving me the opportunity to cling to you for all provision, for showing me the true meaning of I Am that I Am. I look forward to seeing you reveal yourself more and more through this journey and I am humbled to be given a story so great and the strength to live it to the end.

To God be the glory forever and ever, Amen.

Golf Tournament Update

I am excited to say that we've been able to reschedule the golf tournament for a more suitable date of October 6th, 2008. It seems a double blessing as we'll have more time to secure your registrations and sponsorships and the greens at Eagle Watch will have more time to recover following their annual aeration.

So, please update your calendars to reflect the new date of October 6th! If you were meaning to register or sponsor, please do so now so we can plan accordingly. I've also been asked if we are a non-profit; we are not! However, it was brought to my attention that if you're a business because you will have your logo on display at the tournament, you can write off the donation as marketing expenses.

Lastly, if you do not golf or do not wish to sponsor, but would rather donate directly to us, you can do so two ways: (1) go to http://www.dannyandallison.com/ and click on 'Donate Now,' or (2) you can mail a check to P.O. Box 420735 Atlanta, GA 30342. If you have any questions about what your donation go towards or any general questions, please feel free to ask!

We could not be where we are today without the countless people that give in numerous ways. So, I thank you for your prayers, your giving and you continuous support.

I'll post more fun stuff next week!

School Days

Today marks a big first for our family; Corbin's first day of school! It was a bit hurried this morning, getting myself ready and then cornering Corbin to get him dressed, fed and out the door and to school on time. However, we were successful!


I was a tad bit anxious about the moment of separation and wouldn't you know, my boy didn't let me down. Coupled with the fact that Mom was leaving him with strangers and the fact that he's been sick (more on that momentarily) made my anxiety grow all the more. You see, his teachers actually come out to the car and get him out of his seat to take him into the school. I love the idea and I'm sure it saves a lot of tears at the classroom door and also keeps parents and kids from walking through the parking lots while childless cars leave to get to their office or local Starbucks.


So, I hung my large "Hey, Corbin is in this car" sign on my rear view mirror, took a deep breath and waited to see how Corbin responded to Ms. Deb approaching his door. Well, Ms. Deb must have known exactly how to get Corbin comfortable; "Good morning, Corbin" in her most southern accent that I, a home grown Atlanta girl, even have to really listen sometimes. "We're going to stay outside and ride in the cars for awhile." Corbin took her hand, his bag and never looked back.


I suppose, though, had there been tears, I would also have cried all the way to Starbucks, I mean, work. But, since my big, almost three year old boy boldly went along ignoring all the crying classmates, he made me proud. Watch it; now, on Friday, they'll have to pull him away from the car door, kicking and screaming.


Oh, and about him being sick. Well, he started with runny nose and watery eyes on Friday so I automatically concluded it as allergies. But, on Sunday, he started with a fever so off to Urgent Care we went and found that low and behold, the Boy has the beginnings of an ear infection. Luckily, with the antibiotics, he's a new boy and obviously wasn't as anxious about the first day of school as I was.


I had to take pictures before we loaded up in the car since I knew I wasn't allowed to get out of the car at school.



On an end note, please pray for the golf tournament as we have had NO registrations yet and it's less than three weeks away. If we don't have a big rush here shortly, we'll have to look at later dates which can mean colder and rainier weather and less turnout. If you have meant to sign up and haven't yet, DO IT NOW please at http://www.tgusa.org/. We decided not to print brochures this year to save on expenses, but I can email you an electronic version if you'd like.

Thanks!

Stepping On...

The video above was captured a couple weeks ago (August 13th) and shows remarkable improvement from the last video of Danny using the standard walker. No? This day Corbin was there watching so perhaps Danny was just showing off for him, but I heard too that Corbin was cheering on his daddy.

On top of that, the following Monday, August 18th, Danny attempted and accomplished car transfers. It was an exciting day for me as riding in a car has been the barometer for Danny's personal view of improvement. The day he can ride along as a "normal person" is the day he will know he is improving. Well, Danny transferred in and out of my car twice and did fabulously. It was the look on his face that you should have seen, though. He was so excited, so pumped and actually took over telling the rest of us what to do to help him in the car. See the picture of Danny sitting in my car for the first time in over three years.

Yesterday, Monday, Danny actually rode with me in my car for the first time! He said he finally felt like a normal person.

I've also included a picture of Danny standing on The Wave machine. I'm not sure if I've commented on this machine in previous posts, but it is tough. The premise is this; the platform vibrates extremely fast sending thousands of signals to the brain and throughout the body. So, while standing or kneeling on this platform, performing a particular activity, the patient is actually "in the air" for fractions of seconds. The effect is intriguing as this machine is what Danny actually says wears him out the most. In the picture, he is actually standing and doing mini squats, standing with one arm at his side and then performing weight shifts.

Also, as we continue on to great improvement, I'm proud to say that Danny has had his first session on the manual treadmill. Let me describe this; Danny is harnessed and suspended over a treadmill and unlike the Lokomat that moves his legs for him, on the manual, Danny, assisted with his therapists, steps on his own. This happened yesterday and I was very encouraged by his performance and the comments from his therapists. Obviously, the cadence was something to be figured out in Danny's brain and he actually improved throughout the session. Where Danny had been controlling his timing, being able to think through the motions, on the treadmill, his brain and his body had to keep up with the speed.

I did have a picture here to show you, but it has disappeared for some reason. Anyway, in the picture Danny is concentrating on the activity of walking. There is actually a mirror in front of him so he can see what he needs to correct. As I mentioned before, the cadence of the motion is something new for Danny. While he thinks about straightening one leg, shifting his weight and stepping, he's also have to do tell both legs to do different things at the same time. This will be good evidence to how well Danny's brain is working and how it is connecting to his body. According to his therapists, it was a great first session and they were happy with how his trunk control is coming along. If the right leg would just wake up a bit more, in addtion to the weight issue.

As I've mentioned before, Danny has been strongly encouraged to lose weight in order to speed up his recovery. It's been a battle to say the least in several ways. First of all, really the only thing that Danny doesn't need assistance with is eating and ordering. So, it's difficult to reign him in on the one thing that he has control over, yet at the same time firmly plant the benefits of dieting in his brain so he's not looking for immediate gratification in comfort food. Needless to say, we've had many an arguement over the sugar content in sweet tea. Secondly, Danny has always carried his weight around his middle and has always needed to exercise in order to lose a substantial amount of weight. I liken it to we women trying to lose the caboose or the saddle bags especially after childbirth; it's difficult to say the least.


I was approached by the BT Coordinator a couple of weeks ago concerning this seemingly neverending problem. At that time, they were wanting to get him on the manual treadmill, but it has a weight limit. They were concerned that Danny would exceed that; obviously, as you can read above, he doesn't. However, they have begun to weigh him every Friday and have constructed an exercise program for him to perform on his off days. According to the therapists, when Danny began in Beyond Therapy, nine hours a week of exercise was sufficient for him. However, at this point, he needs much more than that. So, to Danny's credit, he has worked out on his off days since they gave him the program and I have been cooking more at home to hopefully cut out and control calorie intake; cause I needed something else to think about, right? Down to the bottom line is this; if Danny doesn't show weight lose in a month by reducing calories and adding exercise, we have to talk about "alternative measures" to get the weight off of him.

The weight is a significant, if not the only reason that Danny is not more independent physically. The therapists told me that Danny could be using a walker around the home environment and only using a wheelchair for the community. Basically, if Danny loses weight, he's already equipped physically to get himself around rather than depend on the rest of us. This is a huge issue and is my highest and most important prayer request. Please pray that Danny will see the fruits of his labor, that the Lord would speed up his metabolism and that the weight would start falling off of him.

Other News

• We have a sitter for Corbin! I'm very excited and blessed by Ms. Lynda and it was incredibly obvious that the Lord had picked her for our family. Corbin spent his first week with her last week and was eager to go back this week which is a good sign. Corbin loves going to Ms. Lynda's house especially since she has two dogs who Corbin just loves. Thank you all for your prayers and suggestions.


• I have solar shades! We were able to install them this weekend and although I know we need the rain, I'm eager to see how well the shades work with the sun shining.


• We also ran into a long time friend who Danny actually worked with in construction who is building our cornices for us. Now all I have to do is cover them, so I'm working on that angle.


• Corbin saw his first movie, Wall-E and just loved it. Although, he didn't sit still ever, I was glad we were the only ones in the theater. He asked to leave once, but now he asks me when we're going to see another movie.


• Corbin starts preschool next week and he's very excited, and so are we. Tonight, we have a Parents' Meeting and then tomorrow, we get to tour his classroom and meet his teachers.


• Golf tournament is still open for registration. Go to http://www.tgusa.org/ for details and online registration for your foursome or sponsorship.

Lastly, a fun moment happened this week; Corbin got in the shower with Danny. It was so cute seeing them in there together. Although there wasn't much room since Danny was in his shower chair, Corbin squeezed in just fine.

Stress

Stress. It comes in many forms. This week it reveals itself as two pimples on my face. I call one of them "Childcare" and the other "Anniversary."

Saturday, August 16th marks the 3rd anniversary of Danny's accident. I hate it. Life wasn't supposed to look like this. I'm focusing on the childcare issue and money, Danny and the anniversary, the pressures of this life and I hate it. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I shouldn't be having to place my kid in someone else's home and trust them to do the job that I want to do. In effect, I'm a single parent since Danny isn't employed and can't watch Corbin on his own. It stinks!

Of course, I can't tell him that because he already feels worthless and so much of a burden. So, I don't even feel that I can share with my husband all that I'm feeling because he takes it all on himself. The one person on the face of the earth that I should be able to be completely vunerable with and all my sharing does is make him more miserable. Makes you just want to lie down on the couch of sharing, doesn't it? "Here, honey. A list of all the reasons our lives are difficult, but really it has nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally." Not happening!

And, since I feel so great today (can you hear the sarcasm?), I've decided to bulletpoint updates.

• Last week, Danny was able to walk the length of the basketball court with a standard walker with only two helpers. Amazing! And, he did it in five minutes. He looked great and even commented that after watching the video, he finally sees some improvement.
• On Monday, I'm taking my car for us to work on car transfers with Candy. Danny is really looking forward to it. I'm just praying he's able to do it easily.
• It seems like we have a very good opportunity for childcare, but we're still working on the details. We've met her and really liked her and we're checking out her house this evening. My only hiccup is making our ends meet which leads me to my next point.
• GA Victims' Compensation Program is working on deciding how much our one lump sum benefit will be/pay out. No final decision has been made though. At least, it sounds a bit positive right? So, hopefully, we can get some cash and pay off our debt, which makes me want to vomit every month. I'd like to not have that feeling on a regular basis.
• Solar roller shades have been ordered thanks to an anonymous donation and are on their way. And, I've actually had several possible leads for people to make the cornices and install. Thanks for all your suggestions!
• Golf tournament is scheduled, online registration is up. I should have some printed brochures this week, but for now, you can register online at www.tgusa.org.
• For those of you that don't golf, but maybe enjoy a car show or bike show, our friends at Killer Creek are planning another benefit ride ending with a car and bike show. Danny will be the judge! At this point, the only detail I have is that they're planning for October 26th, the day before our wedding anniversary.
• Corbin starts school next month!
• Corbin is fabulous as always and we love him so very much. Apparently, he loves us too as he said the other morning out of the blue, "I love you guys." How cute is that?

I'm not sure how to end this today and I'm very sad. I'm ready for this chapter, this book to be over. For now, all that is over is this blog entry.

Random acts of fun and function

Function #1: Find a Nanny/Home Care for Corbin

Do you see this precious little boy in this picture where he is truly filling his Daddy's shoes? Well, he needs someone to have fun with while Mommy is at work. I know I've mentioned it previously, but we're getting down to the wire and I've no idea what I'm going to do with Corbin. I'd like to either have someone come into our home or Corbin to go to a home care situation with some other kids his age. The time frame would be 8am - 6pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Wednesdays from Noon-6pm.

Our situation is out of the ordinary to say the least. We're not a cookie cutter, dual income home with a dog and Baby #2 on the way. We're different; not in a bad way, just different. So, here are my parameters: This person/home must be a Christian, a true caregiver at heart, sensitive to our situation and comfortable with our differences. I need someone that is dependable, on-time and eager to help in whatever way they can. If this person comes into our home, I need help with light cleaning (i.e. bathrooms and kitchen) and someone to do Corbin's laundry. I want Corbin to have fun, be loved and protected, to be encouraged to explore and also to spend time with Daddy. And, I need references.

So, if you are that person, home or know of someone or someplace in the Smyrna/Vinings area, PLEASE help! I also work in Sandy Springs, so that area may be an option as well.

Function #2: Golf Tournament

As you can see from the brochure picture, we've laid the foundation for the 3rd Chopper Classic. Registration is now open at http://www.tgusa.org/ and you can find more information about the tournament there.

Danny and I are so thankful for all that people do for us. This event is the only fundraising effort during the year and we're hoping to raise money to 1. Keep Danny in Beyond Therapy ($832.14 a week), 2. Pay for Corbin's Preschool and childcare, 3. Pay off remaining debts from furnishings and appliances for our new condo and 4. SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!

We understand that your donations mean all that much more during these crucial economic and political times and for that we're ever more grateful for your sacrifice to help us build our lives back up and prepare for our futures. God Bless you all for whatever you're led to give.

Should you not wish to play or sponsor, you can always donate at http://www.dannyandallison.com/ and click on "Donate Now." Thank you!

Function #3: Get Window Coverings

See this beautiful view? The windows straight ahead face west where we daily get the blessing of the sunset. While this is so beautiful, we also get the unfortunate heat from the sun pouring into our condo all afternoon raising our power bill each month.

I'd like to have 18" cornices built and installed over each section of windows (there are three including the one you can't see in the dining area) for which I already have the fabric. Then, I'd like solar shade to cover the western windows to help keep money in our pocketbook.

I have dealt with two interior decorators that truly have good hearts, but for their own personal reasons, have trouble in time management. While each have promised good deals, it's not such a good deal when I've been waiting since February and watching my electric bill rise. So, does anyone out there know of a good place, reasonably priced that can come finish my windows? I'm going to order/install the solar shades myself, but need the cornices built, covered and installed. My wallet appreciates it as does my new couch that I hope has not faded too much.


Now onto FUN!

Fun #1: Danny has a birthday!

Danny celebrated his 33rd birthday all week long, it seemed, but he does deserve it. Danny is a sushi fiend and so that is what he wanted on his birthday and for his birthday party.

We and a bunch of actively involved friends, ventured to Nagoya in Roswell for a very fun filled evening. The picture of Danny is perfect. It was so nice to see him laugh like that and have that sparkle in his eye that I haven't seen much over the past almost three years. It was a encouraging surprise to see this smile. Here are a few more pictures from the evening.

Geisha-Danny and Samurai-Corbin with the birthday cake. Oh, I'm there too.

And, Corbin cheering on our chef!

Fun #2: Parallel bars in the water

Danny recently started using parallel bars in the water at therapy. The pictures above were from his second day using them. He didn't do that great walking this day, but last Friday, he did an amazing job. It was something he had to get used to; stepping, sliding his hands and then shifting his weight to step again. He finally got the rhythm of it and did a great job especially since no one is holding onto him while he was doing this.

Also, I received an email from Candy last week with an update on Danny's progress. I've included two excerpts from it below:

"He took ~6 steps independently (w/bioness) with the right leg on Monday of this week. He actually completely cleared the ground with the foot and took GREAT steps before he fatigued."

"Also, I wanted to schedule time to work on car transfers with you all. I'm usually not in center on Fridays so I was wondering if you were available to come some other time during the week so that we could actually practice with your car?"

Okay, so the man took about six steps with the right leg! Now, to explain how quickly this has happened; On, Monday, July 7Th, Corbin and I went to see Danny gait (see previous blog entry) where he was able to initiate each step with his right leg. Basically, this means, he was picking up his right heel but needed help to pull the leg through. On Friday, July 18Th, I was able to see Danny gait with the Argo again. At that time, he was able to pull his right leg even to his left and now, on July 21st he is pulling his leg all the way through. I'd say that out of every improvement, this seems to be the quickest. Isn't that great?

And now, to actually be able to schedule working on transfers in/out of my car! I know Danny is really looking forward to it and I'll be sure to let you all know when that is going to happen. I'll probably video and take pictures so expect those at some point too.

Keep praying for Danny's improvement, specifically his upper body and it's muscles to engage. Danny's upper body control is the biggest factor that is preventing him from more independence. He can have all the leg strength in the world, but if he doesn't have any core stability, he isn't going to walk.

Also, please pray for his mind and attitude. This defeated view that he perceives is a daily battle to overcome and work through.

I know this has been a long post and I apologize for taking up so much time, but there were so many important issues to share and good news too.

Remember to pray for childcare for Corbin, golf tournament/donations, help with windows and to praise for the progress Danny is making.

We love you all! Thanks for reading!

Surprise! I'm back home!

Few of you knew, but Mama Eagle and Baby Eagle (that would be me and Corbin) headed west to Arizona to surprise my father for his 60Th birthday. Sorry to mention your real age, Dad, but no one would believe me if I said you were turning 40.

Thankfully, we were able to pull off the big surprise and I was able to catch it all on video. The picture is of Papa and all his boys; Davis, 6, Brett, 4, and Corbin bringing up the rear at almost 3.

My mom was able to arrange for Dad to have most of the week off of work and she was off too, so we got to spend a bunch of time together as a family and Corbin got lots of time with his cousins. Their favorite thing to do was play in the pool together. Corbin isn't a swimmer yet, but he wasn't afraid to get in the middle of the big boys. See the picture below.

Corbin also came home with some new words that he now thinks are so silly. I won't go into details, but if you have had boys their age around, you know everything is about bodily functions.

I was able to relax a bit. My parent's neighbor is a massage therapist and I got two sessions with her. She is so good, but I was really sore after the second one because she really loosened everything up so well.

My sister-in-law blessed me with clothes from her closet, which is pretty much like buying new clothes since she tends to buy more than she wears. She also gave me more clothes that the boys had outgrown for Corbin, so we are set for awhile. Thanks, Kari!

While Corbin and I were in Arizona, Danny stayed in Atlanta and worked hard at therapy. He also had fun with different activities; poker with the boys, dinners out, dominoes and pool side chillin'. He, of course, called often to say how much he missed us and was eagerly awaiting our return. He met us at the airport and busted out in tears when he saw us. When we got back to the condo, it was clean and I had beautiful roses from my husband. It was a refreshing return.

Of course, as usual, our life is pretty topsy-turvy and flexibility is a must, so things this week have returned to our version of normal. I'm still looking for someone to nanny Corbin the days I work and then we're also preparing for several life events. Danny is in a wedding this weekend, it's his brother's birthday, his parent's anniversary and then on Tuesday, it's his birthday. If you think about it, send an email on the 15Th wishing him a happy day. Hector and Loida are also planning to vacation for their anniversary, so we're making sure we have help the days we need it.

Corbin and I were able to visit Danny at therapy on Monday. We were there for his walking session with Candy and I was incredibly impressed with his continuous improvement on a weekly basis. I was able to video it, but I haven't had time to get it to where I can post it here. I will, just give me a week. Anyway, he is now initiating every step with the right leg which is the weaker of the two. His left leg is great; in fact, they don't put any electric stimulation on that leg/knee anymore. Danny has also been walking/gaiting twice a week lately instead of once which is a good sign that it is a big benefit. Candy set a new goal for Danny and that is to be able to use only the standard walker for gaiting therapy by September 7Th. No more Argo! Please pray that all parts of Danny's body continue to re-learn how to work together to be most effective in therapy.

Lastly, before I close, I have golf tournament information! Mark your calendars for Monday, September 22Nd for a great day at Eagle Watch Golf Club in Woodstock, GA. You can register online at www.tgusa.org. Click on the tournament titled "Aflac Chopper Classic." I'm not sure if the link is up yet, but it should be soon. Sponsorship is as follows: Hole Sponsor-$500, Team Sponsor - $750, VIP Sponsor - $1,000, Corporate Sponsor - $2,000 and Foundation Sponsor - $3,000. If you'd like to donate to our cause without playing in the tournament, you can do so at www.dannyandallison.com and click on "Donate Now."

I should have some more video up soon. I am going to attempt to insert the video we presented at last year's tournament and of course, I'll continue to put clips of Danny's progress.

Thank you!

Walking Forward June 25, 2008

All things going to plan, you should see the videos that I promised in my previous update. The first clip is of Danny walking with the Argo; you've also heard me refer to it as "gaiting." Candy is the one sitting on the stool behind him. Notice his left leg is moving independently and that he is able to initiate the step with his right leg.

The second clip is of Danny walking with the standard walker and a host of therapists assisting him. I'm proud to say that this was only the second time they'd attempted a standard walker and since then, he's improved with it.

Praise the Lord! These videos are outdated already. These two videos were taken the latter part of May 2008. According to Candy, Danny is improving each and every time they gait and she is encouraging him to stand at home without the assistance of his standing frame. She wants him to pull up on the sink or something stable and for him to what I'll call "free stand" for as long as he can for an entire hour. She believes this is what will put him over the edge in his quest for independence. I'm also happy to report that she wants to schedule some time for me to come with my car and they will practice transfers into the car with Danny. He is so excited and if you'll recall, this was a major goal for him. He doesn't want to have to ride in a vehicle while seated in his wheelchair. Should he be able to do this, it would be a sign of marked improvement and something that Danny can hold on to as a daily reminder to continue his fight.

I'm so proud of him and he doesn't even realize it. He often feels like he'd rather not be here, not burden me or his family with his disability, that Corbin deserves a better father. The pictures below are from Father's Day. I think Corbin feels right at home with his Dad and the pictures will speak to that end.

I love this series of photos. It is such a sweet moment that I was able to peak into and share. Now, you get to share it too. I encourage Danny to remember that this sweet little boy doesn't know that his Daddy is different; he just knows he's his Dad and that he loves him. Danny has a great opportunity to teach Corbin how to persevere through adversity just as we have the opportunity to show him what true commitment is all about. I certainly pray that the Lord will honor us in our devotion by continuing to protect Corbin from the "bad" in all of this. There are those moments that Danny's mind goes somewhere else in his anger or when Mommy cries because it all becomes too overwhelming or when she just misses her husband. My sweet Corbin is resilient, drying my tears and bringing me a Band Aid. I couldn't ask for anything more in my darling child. The Lord has truly blessed us.

Life continues to move whether we decide to stand still or not. Sometimes I feel like I'm in this weird existence like those movie clips of someone standing on a busy street corner while all those that pass them are blurred with motion. That is where I am. Friends buy second homes or have second children, get a promotion or a new job, take vacations easily and make purchases confident that their dual income home will remain as such. Yet, our lives feel like they're on hold; a space-time continuum, not that I know what that means, but it sounds very "Back to the Future." I certainly wish I could climb in that DeLorean and see where we are five years from now. Wouldn't it make this so much easier if I knew the outcome?

Danny fell asleep the other night rather quickly, but the last thing that came out of his mouth was "I just wish someone would tell me." I didn't pursue the conversation, rather waited for him to continue, but he fell asleep before there was more. I knew exactly what he meant. If we knew what tomorrow held, then it would make today easier to bear. Danny also told me out of the blue that he feels that he is in prison and no one has told him the length of his sentence. Crazy that he could pinpoint it so eloquently and perfectly. We're imprisoned to this disability with no one telling us when the end will come, or if it will ever come at all. Of course, imprisonment is a state of mind too, yet does Danny's brain have the ability to change it's point of view, it's state of mind. Can he overcome such frustration? Can I?

I keep waiting on something; pushing through each day waiting for salvation. I wonder at times where this will lead; what God's plan for all this chaos will be. How does He plan to wrap up all the loose ends or will there always be some dangling out there for remembrance sake? There are so many promises in His Word to stand on, but at times it feels like all I can do is dig my fingernails into them, beat my fist on them and cry out to the Lord making sure he remembers what He said. Of course, an ever present foundation is that His timing is perfect, He will continue His work until the day of completion, He will quiet the storm. I'm ready for the stillness after the storm because I'm getting awfully nauseous.

Perhaps this rambling makes no sense to you, perhaps there is no purpose except the marbles rolling around in my noggin needing to get out and perhaps Blogger should load video faster so I don't have time to ponder so much.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I'm sure there are times you'd wish us to go away; trust me, we wish we weren't stuck in this wilderness either. But, for a season, we are and we're glad to have the support of our family, friends, strangers and those that just happen by the blog. May God bless you in your own trials for I know all of us have a story to tell and prayers to solicit.

xt time and next videos....

Allison

Keep On Keeping On! June 10, 2008

This is a test. A test of Allison's technical skills. Hopefully, all things going well, you should be able to see a short video of Danny at Beyond Therapy. In this video, Danny is working on "sit to stands" using a standard walker. The two therapists are holding onto a gait belt to give Danny a boost and keep him steady while he stands. Otherwise, the work is all on Danny. I'm especially proud of him considering he did this move for one full hour, over and over again. This video was shot near the end of that hour.

Should this video work, my next task is to get some feed from my video camera of Danny walking with the Argo and standard walker for you all to view. It is simply amazing!

We've had some milestones reached since I posted in April! Oh, my goodness, I can't believe it's been that long. I know it seems like the same song and dance routine I've been giving for awhile, but honestly, I get tired of only having the small steps to report. I want BIG ones and I know you want to hear them too. Perhaps, though, I should just keep my mouth shut or my fingers controlled to be thankful for small steps because they are steps nonetheless. Okay, enough of the pep talk, I think I'm ready to begin.

Danny is now walking laps with the Argo walker. Yesterday, he walked two laps of the gym and then walked full court with a standard walker. Yes, you read that correct. Now, he does need quite a bit of assistance while walking with the standard walker, but the first times he walked with the Argo, it took five people too. Now, it only takes two! So, I'm happy!

In the video I'm hoping to post, Danny is using his left leg all on his own and the right leg he is able to pull through the majority of the time without much assistance. This is huge improvement and I know it's a matter of time before this chapter is over, but I'm ready for it and I know he is too.

The therapists have set some goals for Danny: (1) to be able to walk 50ft with a standard walker with minimal assistance and (2) to be able to transfer himself. The goal is set for the end of August, so keep your knees on the ground and your voice towards heaven that the Lord would show favor towards Danny and give him the strength and give his brain the ability to control his body and his body to listen.

They're also targeting his abs and we're still tackling the weight. Danny is down to 240lbs. which is a big improvement for him and I'm hoping that with summer, he'll have the desire to continue to choose healthy food and drink lots of water!

Corbin is making changes of his own. All of the sudden about five weeks ago, he started to freak out at bed time; night or day, it did not matter. On our first night of frustration, he screamed for 30 minutes and I mean the kind of screaming that makes you gag and cough because you've done it so hard. It was during this escapade that he figured out how to crawl out of his crib. I'd punish him and put him back and he'd just climb right out again. It was a futile fight and at 2am I gave in and brought him to bed with us. Yes, I hear all you parents out there moaning that I shouldn't do that. However, as someone with so much to take care of and so little rest anyway, some sleep was better than no sleep. The problem was that whenever Danny woke up, so did Corbin, so it wasn't really a solution and since I was concerned with him falling on the hardwood floors when crawling out of his crib, we decided it was time for the Big Boy Bed! The picture is before his first night in his new bed.

Thus far, we've slowly moved away from Corbin asking me to "rock yourself" while he falls asleep and then sneaking away like I did when he was a baby. The last four or five nights, he has fallen asleep on his own and I'm so thankful for that.

Corbin has another first in this update. Today, Corbin went to his first summer day camp. It is at the church where he'll be attending preschool this fall. He will go three days this week, next and the last week in July. He was all pumped up about it, especially playing musical instruments like the Little Einsteins. I just hope they do music since I totally made that up to get him excited. The closer we got to the church, the less he wanted to go, but on my last look, he was alright. This is Corbin so happy his mom made him look into the sun to take a picture of him going to a camp he wasn't so happy about going to after she had to wake him up to get him ready to leave the house.


Corbin is the popular one in this update, which isn't much different than it is at home. He also has news regarding his sitter. Ileana, Danny's cousin that has kept Corbin since he was six weeks old, has moved on to a new opportunity and we're happy for her. She has been a "constant" in Corbin's life for so long, giving him structure in our at times chaotic environment. We wish her the best and know that since she's family, she's never really out of the picture.


This leads me to a prayer request. I need to find someone more permanent for him. It's a blessing that it is summer and I can help some trustworthy youth from our church while they help me with Corbin. However, I will have to have someone new in place in the next month or so. Corbin starts preschool in September, going Monday, Wednesday and Fridays until noon and then I work still Tuesdays through Thursdays. So, the schedule would be Tuesday and Thursday full days and then half day on Wednesday. If you know of a good nanny or a good home care environment, please email me. We're in the Vinings/Smyrna area. Thanks!

Lastly, I guess I'll leave you with one picture taken from our new condo. This is what we get to see every evening; a gentle reminder that we're one day closer and that just as we can depend on the sun setting, we know that God is here with us. Just breathe!













P.S. I apologize for the spacing issue, but I couldn't fix it after trying numerous times. Hopefully, you won't hold it against me.

April 16, 2008

Okay, okay. I hear you. I know it's been way too long since I updated you all, but honestly even as I sit down to write this one, my heart doesn't feel like it. It's not that things are going badly, quite the opposite, but I feel like I tell you all the same story every single time; Danny's improving, please pray for him, Corbin is great and I'm tired. Don't you get sick of reading that every time? Perhaps I'm just putting my feelings of sickness about all this on you all. Perhaps you really enjoy reading about our small successess and perhaps you're even encouraged by them; maybe you even are inspired to draw near to the Lord in your own struggles. Who knows? Everyone has their own story, their own blog to write so to speak, or write, but I'll do what I do, I'll write what I feel and pray that the Lord would use it for His purpose. Here goes nothing or something, as the case may be for you.

Papa came for a visit at the start of March to help us get a bit more settled in the condo. He did all the man stuff; hang pictures, bathroom fixtures, light fixtures and all those other things that Danny normally would have done for our home. It was a whirlwind trip, with him only staying three days, but we got a bunch accomplished and we couldn't have done it without him. Thanks, Dad!

As we settle and become accustomed to daily living at the condo, we are all having new experiences, especially Corbin. As you can see in this picture, he's discovered Mom and Dad's shower is a fun place to be. Often times, as all you parents can relate to, it's just easier to bring him in the shower with me, but now that I can get him in the shower, it's become increasingly difficult to get him out of it. He loves water! And, like his Mama, the hotter the better. In fact, I have a funny story, although telling.

On one such showering occasion, Corbin discovered the fun of slapping my thigh and watching my post baby body jiggle. While that isn't something I am truly happy about, it was hysterical watching him find out what fat is. Anyway, that isn't the point to my story. While in the midst of laughing at Mom's body, my two and a half year old says to me, "Thank you, Mama." I bent down and asked him what he was thanking me for; "For loving me." Pull out the Kleenex folks! I mean, what two year old do you know that is that sensitive or intuitive, whatever you want to call it, it just doesn't seem like normal behavior for a self involved toddler. However, I have to brag that my toddler is anything but self involved. At the dinner table, he will often ask me and Danny, "how was you day, _____?" What? He is so tender and I love him more than anything. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for the moment when he comes out of the blue with an "I love you, Mama," or a unsolicited bear hug. There is truly nothing like it.

Yet, another first for my dear boy came at the first part of this month on a rainy, chilly Saturday. We traveled up to Jasper, GA to a friend's parent's farm. After much coaxing, Corbin finally got on the horse named Beauty and then even got Mama up with him for a little ride. We all had a fabulous time and Corbin was just worn slap out by the time we got home, well, really he fell asleep before we even got on the highway. We grilled out, shared stories and even had the most powerful time of prayer for Danny. There was true, godly wisdom in this family and we were truly blessed by our time there. We hope to return soon, when the weather is a bit better. Corbin didn't stop talking about riding Beauty and wanting to go the farm for at least a week. I think it must have made an impression on his young mind.

I had to read my last post so I knew what to share with you all in relation to Danny's improvement. And, as I read, I realized that I've fallen short of sharing some very positive news.

In the middle of March, I got an email from Candy, who you all have heard me reference many times. Anyway, Danny had taken six steps with his RIGHT leg, the weaker of the two, during their gaiting session. Six steps with the right leg with no help from her! She also noted that Danny steps about 75% of the time with no assistance on the left leg. This was incredible news and it seems that with each week, there is something small, but significant that is good to report. Funny me, I just don't do it until I have an overload.

Overload this. On top of Danny starting to move his right leg more, all of the sudden he seems to show a bit of self confidence and motivation. For example, two days after the right leg breakthrough, he calls me while I'm on my way to work inquiring about his to-do list for the day. I start rattling off all the things I'd like for him to do, when he interjects that he thought he might go down to Shepherd to workout. What??? I almost ran off the side of the road I was in such shock. Danny was initiating??? Okay, well you know I jumped right on the bandwagon and called and made an appointment for him to meet with one of his therapist to begin his cardio regime. And, since then, he's continued to go to workout on his days off of Beyond Therapy. I couldn't be happier and more proud of him and he is seeing the return on his investment; he's lost eight pounds!

On Monday, Corbin and I decided to surprise Daddy while he was at therapy. Danny has been asking when Corbin could come down; I think he was really wanting to show him off. He is such a proud Daddy. Anyway, we surprised him while he was gaiting with Candy. I was so impressed with him. While he used to walk the length of the gymnasium, he actually walked two LAPS on Monday. Candy commented that it was his best walking to date and that the best improvement was his ability to lock out his right knee in order to take a step with the left leg. All good news! Plus, they are starting to work with him on standing up with a regular walker. That is the next step in gaiting; once he can move on from the Argo walker which gives him more support for his upper body, he can use a regular walker. This will take him gaining more strength in his left arm and in his core, which leads to the reason he goes to do cardio three times a week in addition to his three days at Beyond Therapy.

By the way, Beyond Therapy just went up in price almost $100 a week. We spend over $800 a week just in therapy, so go to that happy button on http://www.dannyandallison.com/ and click "Donate Now." Seriously, though, between Beyond Therapy and Danny's assistant, the cash flow is going fast. We can manage just shy of year barring any unforeseen issues and then it's a big ? as to where the Lord is going to provide from. So, remember this when it comes time for the golf tournament or any other fundraiser that others have for us. We do need the financial support. I'd like to say I know and have a peace that Danny will be able to earn a living again or that one day soon we won't have these expenses, but I just don't know; nobody does, but the Lord. So, I keep putting my trust in Him, obeying His commandments and resting in the peace that He will do as He promises; be Jehovah - jireh, our Provider. For those of you that know me well, you know the last thing on earth I like to do is ask for help. I'm pretty stubborn, but I like to call it determined to be self-sufficient, but the reality is in our life, in this circumstance, it is near impossible without losing myself in the process. I ask for your help, whatever that looks like for you; financial, prayer, giving me some rest, spending time with Danny and making him feel important, even cleaning bathrooms, etc. There are lots of ways to help, so pray about what the Lord would have you do. I certainly don't want anyone doing anything for us out of obligation, but out of honest desire to lend a hand or give a dollar.

Speaking of losing myself in this process, I have days when I don't know who I am. I'm sure this doesn't make sense to most of you, but going through the motions, sticking to the schedule that must be daily, I find I lose my sense of purpose in it. It just all becomes routine, routine without feeling. And, without feeling, there grows this division in the relationships; marriage, friendship, parent and self. At times, I feel like Danny and I are merely roommates and most of the time I chalk it up to the circumstances, but at times I put pressure on myself that perhaps I need to be thinking of ways to bring more feeling, more emotion to our relationship. Then, I think to myself that I must be crazy to put any more pressure on myself, that I'm doing all I can do and that it takes both parties to put into a healthy relationship. For Danny, because of his brain injury, we ride this roller coaster of emotion; one moment it's all roses and then the next it's like "who are you and what did you do with my husband?" Personally, it is so difficult to separate the two and not let it affect my heart, but it does. So, I ask the Lord "why?" Will Danny have the cognitive capacity to consistently nuture me and our relationship?

I find that I protect Danny from my hurt, my feelings. He already has so many feelings of personal worthlessness and he takes on so much of the blame, I find it hard to add to that by sharing my heart. But, I married a man that was my best friend who protected me from the woes of daily living, who took care of me and gave me security and a sense of safety. Danny was a man of purpose who was fiercely independent and extremely driven to succeed and provide for his family. I want that man and I'm waiting for him to rescue me from this very bad dream that I just am screaming to wake up from. I don't know where the brain injury begins or where it ends inside of him, but I have to hold on to the hope that the man that I married is still in there somewhere. I have seen more glimpes of him the last few days than most of the previous months combined and yet, I protect myself from the possibility that it will be brief, but I pray it is a sign of good things to come.

Healing is a process. "Do you want to get well?" asked Jesus of the man at the pool of Bethesda who was an invalid for 38 years. Jesus didn't ask him if he wanted to walk, he asked him if he wanted to get well. I want Danny to be well, to be whole, to be restored. I want our life to be well, whole and restored; our marriage, our future, our finances, our family, all of it. I want the Holy Spirit to saturate it with the glory of Him. I ask Him to come. I invite Him. I will knock and keeping knocking for the promise is that we will receive. I have to have blind faith in Him, faith like that of Corbin in me.

Look at this sweet child. He had woken up from his nap shortly before I took this picture. He wakes up slowly, prefering to play quietly or sit down to watch a movie. Here he is parking his cars on the couch. I love this picture; it gives me such a place of peace, of stillness. All things truly work for good because he is the best child for us, for our situation and he has adapted so well to a life that he doesn't know is different. I pray the Lord would protect him from the stress of our lives and would grow the love that he has for Danny.

As I close, I figured I'd give a list of prayer requests for you to jot down, if you so wish. Danny asks for:

1. Patience with all this;
2. My speech to get better and voice to come back;
3. For this process to speed up;
4. My memory to come back;
5. My relationship with Corbin and Allison not to struggle because of this;
6. That I can come off my medications;
7. I can ride again when all this is over;
8. and that when I can drive again, I can get a new, big truck.

I ask for the following:

1. For the Holy Spirit to get ahold of Danny's whole person, spirit, mind and body;
2. Danny's spirit to be encouraged and awakened to a sense of purpose;
3. Danny's brain to be restored;
4. I also pray for this process to speed up;
5. Intimacy in our marriage and time to nurture it;
6. Financial provision;
7. Positive closure in our legal matters;
8. Corbin's continued health;
9. Strength for myself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, all around;
10. and rest without guilt.

I am thankful for so many things that I don't have to put on this list any longer. It wasn't too long ago that we were asking for Danny to be able to speak, breathe on his own, eat and drink, move, remember us, etc. God has done great things and He will complete it!

I'm hoping to have pictures of our condo to show you all next time. Everyone keeps asking what it looks like. Give me some time and I'll get it done, besides look at how long it took me to tell you that Danny had taken six steps with his right leg! Too long! Oh well, you love me and forgive me:)