September 11, 2007

Greetings to you committed readers and stragglers alike! We welcome you back or for the first time to learn about our continued fight in our journey of life after a traumatic brain injury.

Monday, August 20th, our friends supported us with the 2nd Annual Chopper Classic Golf Tournament. It was a huge success and a beautiful day, hot as it was. We are excited and blessed to share with you that your contributions will cover Danny's therapy costs for the remainder of the year! We offer sincere thanks to those of you who volunteered, played, planned or donated. We have seen the work of the Lord through His provision through you all. Thanks!

If you can believe it, I can move onto bigger and better things. What could be better than raising money and a great day of golf? Well, Danny has had a couple excellent weeks of therapy and I'm thrilled to share the good news with you.

First of all, we met with Dr. Kaelin, Danny's neurologist, Tuesday, the 21st. He was excited to hear all the good news of Danny's progress from the therapists in Beyond Therapy. Dr. Kaelin has written an order to have Danny ankles casted in an attempt to gain more movement and stretch. As I've mentioned before, Danny's ankles are so tight from not being able to move them, that walking with a normal gait is near impossible. So, we're going to try the casting and if we gain movement and stretch, we'll continue with casting. However, if there doesn't seem to be any improvement, then Danny will more than likely have surgery to stretch those tendons. According to Dr. Kaelin, the surgery is relatively minor. Danny would spend three weeks in casts and then three more weeks in walking boots. The positive spin is that through this whole ordeal, Danny will not miss any therapy! He'll still be able to work towards his ultimate goal of independence.

Secondly, Wednesday the 22nd marked a huge day! I hate that I was at work and missed it, but through recent cellphone technology, I was able to see Danny walk. Yes, while supporting himself in the Argo walker, therapists assisted Danny to walk about 40 feet. It was thrilling to see, even if on a small, out of focus screen on Loida's cellphone. Danny has had ambulation twice since then and has improved each time. Last week, he "walked" the whole length of the basketball court. He took two, two minute breaks, but completed the challenge set by his therapists.

Last Friday, the 7th, Danny was able to get back in the water. He loves pool therapy and had to do something new. Therapists stacked steps in the swallow end and he had to sit on them and then stand several times. This exercise worked both his sitting balance and his strength to stand. He did great and worked through some major cases of the giggles to finish strong.

I'm also thrilled to tell you that since Friday, me and Danny have been doing unassisted stand and pivots. Okay, so I hear you all asking what that means. Well, it means that Danny uses me to help him stand from his wheelchair and pivot his body to sit on his bed, back in his chair, on the mat table, etc. This is huge progress and gives us a peak at what our future is going to look like - independence! I can only imagine what another two months in Beyond Therapy will do for our lives. I love it!

I also love that we're going to get to do something that many normal people do; get on a plane for the Christmas holidays. Yes, folks, after more than two years, we're going somewhere together, as a family. Danny, Corbin and I will travel to Arizona to spend Christmas and New Years with my family there. I'm so excited for Danny and am so proud of him for working so hard to get to this point. Of course, we have three more months until we leave so who knows how much more progress Danny will make before we depart. We are so looking forward to seeing something new and having a change of pace. However, we're also eager to get back after the New Year and finish this journey back through Beyond Therapy.

Corbin's 2nd birthday is next week! I can't believe that my baby isn't such a baby anymore. He is loving Nemo right now, so that is our theme. My parents are going to be able to be here for the celebration, so that is always fun to have Grammy and Papa here. Corbin has changed his nighttime routine; he climbs in bed with Daddy and watches Nemo while having his bottle and then off to bed. He loves it and Danny just sits there and cries because it is really the only time during the day that he is able to hold Corbin. I know that Corbin is truly his namesake; a gift from God. Corbin pulls me and Danny out of our blues and gives us a reason to keep going, to laugh and smile. I know that is a lot of pressure for such a little guy, but at this point, he is just being a toddler and that is entertainment in and of itself. He sings along with songs, dances to all music, plays with his cars and trucks, loves to be outside and is talking like crazy. He counts, sings the ABCs and never misses a beat. We can't imagine our lives without him.

To close, I'd like to take the spotlight off of us for a moment and ask you all to remember those who were lost this day six years ago and their families. Also, please say a prayer for those soldiers who fight for our freedom here and abroad. Six years ago, I had taken the day off work to have my bridal portrait taken. It was difficult to act normal although it seemed the world was falling down around us all. Of course, we all go through life with at least one time where we must trudge along though our worlds seem to be falling down on us. I understand and keep trudging.

Many blessings to you all and thank you for your continued prayer and support. I will be forever indebted to you.

Two verses were given to me a couple weeks ago that I had not received before this time. I was encouraged and feel it impressed on me to share with you.

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Romans 8:11

"By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see." Acts 3:16

I claim these promises for Danny; body, mind, and spirit.

August 16, 2007

Today we mark two years; 730 days since Danny's accident. I'm not even sure what to write except that I hate this. It is certainly not something I would choose to do; who would? I know the Lord is working it for our good, for a purpose greater than ourselves and I'm blessed to be used by Him; but I still hate it had to be this way.

Danny asked me yesterday morning what his plans were for the day; he was scheduled for therapy at 1 o'clock. I tried to encourage him; "just think, we're one day closer." He replied "But no one can tell me how many days are left to go. This is getting old." He's right, as usual. It is getting old. I'm so frustrated I can hardly stand it, but I can't give up now. I've invested two years to getting our life back to a simblance of normal and we're not there yet.

We want our own space, our own place, with our own things. We want to sleep in the same bed together. We need a different view; perhaps it will help pull us up out of this feeling of being trapped by this situation. We want Corbin to see Mama and Daddy sleep in the same room; to be able to crawl in bed with us both when he has a bad dream. We want him to know that his family is the three of us and for him to have an order and structure to his little life. We want privacy and quiet; to be be loud if we want to without feeling like we're being disruptive. Is this too much to ask?

Danny IS getting stronger, week by week. His memory surprises me sometimes; he has lost many memories that happened prior to his accident, but he is creating new memories and these are the ones that are sticking with him better. I find that encouraging and refreshing; I don't have to repeat myself so many times.

In Beyond Therapy, progress is being made. Danny still gets down in the dumps because "it's not fast enough" for him. Duh! It isn't fast enough for any of us.

He is:

• Back on the FES bike. His therapists had taken him off of it for a couple weeks because he wasn't able to tolerate it. Therefore, he wasn't getting the full benefit. However, he did great on it last Friday; completing the whole hour.


• Not dragging his toes while in the Lokomat. Initially, Danny dragged his toes on the follow through because his ankles were so tight. While they are still tight, he is now able to pick them up through the step and that is an obvious improvement.


• On the Giger at least twice a week and last Friday, set his best record; 1501 revolutions in about 35 minutes. The Giger is completely manual and Danny is now required to only use his left arm and legs to power it. He is also required to do crunches while pedaling to engage the abs, making his trunk stronger.


• Using his left arm more both at therapy and at home. He is moving it for every day needs and has shown incredible improvement during therapy. Piggy-backing on the left arm movement, Danny is also beginning to use both his arms to wheel himself around without prompting. He still struggles to get his elbow back far enough to get a strong push with the left arm, but it is improving.


• Without toe straps. His therapists believe it will encourage more movement of his legs and feet. He is not happy about this new adjustment, more for his right leg than his left. His left leg is strong and he can place his foot where he wants to. However, the right foot slides forward and he has to help pull it back with his arm. While this is frustrating to him, he is having to move both his upper extremities and his lower in order to keep his feet on the footrests.


• Standing longer and straighter. Last Friday, he stood for a whole hour, taking short breaks after many repetitions of mini squats, shifting his weight leg to leg, hitting a balloon back and forth, and throwing punches. He is still not able to hit the balloon or box with his left arm, but with his right, he is very strong. He was able to stand straight up while punching and hitting the balloon. This shows great improvement in his abs, back muscles; well, his whole middle!

I'm so proud of the effort he is giving while at Beyond Therapy. It truly has made a difference in his physical abilities and it can only get better. However, saying all that, I'm still waiting for him to get motivated to do some therapy things at home. For some reason, he just isn't initiating exercise. He can stand in the standing frame, reach for cones, use bands to do arm work and stretch his ankles, but he doesn't. I can't imagine how much further along he might be if he'd just get busy at home too.

Back to the anniversary, there is a scream lodged in my chest. You know when there are no words to voice how you feel in that exact moment; when you just feel a yell coming on hoping it'll relieve some pressure that has built up inside you? Well, that's me. Of course, I can't do that right now at work and really can't do it at home either unless I scream into my pillow. But, who has time to do that between keeping Danny taken care of and making sure Corbin is cared for too. It's not like I want either one of them to see me crack for a minute. Danny does sometimes, but then he just takes it all upon him; "it's all my fault." Then, while I know it's okay for Corbin to see Mommy cry sometimes, it breaks my heart when he looks at me and says "okay?"

I just hope Corbin doesn't remember this time of his life. Corbin calls other women "Mama" sometimes. That does wonders for me....just kidding! I just want to cry when he pays no attention to the fact that Mama just got home from work. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to stay home with him while Danny worked and provided. Both of us want it to be that way one day and perhaps it will, but we don't know for sure. Where does that leave me? I've always wanted to be a wife and stay at home mom; but now, I may have to work outside the home for the rest of our lives. I don't want to. When will God give us the desires of our hearts? I know he will; His Word promises it. But, like Danny, I want to know when, how much longer.

Speaking of my angel baby Corbin, he has a birthday coming up next month. #2! He is talking a lot and now says "I love you too" and he counts to ten in both Spanish and English. He still loves trucks and music and especially outside. It doesn't seem to matter the weather, that child wants to go outside. It's been hovering around 100 degrees for the last couple of weeks, but he doesn't care. Although this whole situation seems endless, Corbin is what helps me get through it day by day. Spending a few moments with him gives me strength to keep going. If not for Danny, if not for myself, it is for Corbin. He deserves to know how excellent his father is, how much we will do for him, and to trust in the love his parents have for him and for each other.

Onto more uplifting news, the golf tournament is on Monday, August 20th. We have already signed up more players than we had last year, so that is a success in and of itself. I thank you all for participating in any fashion and I look forward to seeing you on Monday.

Also, we have filed a suit surrounding Danny's accident. Please pray for wisdom and for God to work through this mess for our provision.

On a closing note, I know that this chapter will end. We will see Danny recover and we will be free. I cannot imagine the day when I do not have to do all that I do for Danny; when I can sleep through the night without turning him in bed or helping him to the bathroom, when he can take himself to brush his teeth, cut up his own food, drive, help with Corbin, pay the bills, get my car fixed and washed, change our cell plan, mow the grass, do the laundry, work, snuggle in bed, laugh again, pick up Corbin when he falls, take me out on a date, go on vacation anywhere. I can't wait.

Please continue to bang on heaven's door for us. The battle is strong, but I know it has already been won by Him who sits on the throne, who rose on the third day and who is my shield and my salvation.