December 18, 2007

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years! I wanted to make sure that I updated you all before our big trip out west to Arizona.

Danny and I are counting down the days, the minutes until we leave for Arizona on Thursday. I'm a bit nervous for the actual flight; not so much for the logistics of getting Danny on the plane, but for Corbin. Historically, he has not done well on the airplane, but I'm hoping that now that he's a bit older and Danny and Aunt Dina are with us, he'll fare better. I have my list of things to pack and trying to make sure we all get there with everything we need. Please pray for traveling mercies and for a cooperative little boy:)

Danny got his casts off his legs on November 26Th and has had some issues that we're hoping will soon be worked through. He has had incredible pain, especially in his right ankle since the removal of the casts. This has impeded his therapy and he has actually regressed some. Of course, this has concerned all of us including his therapists who were confused and frustrated with how to approach his therapy sessions. Danny was unable to accomplish things that he'd been doing for three months. So, we went back to the surgeon who confirmed that Danny was going to experience pain and for up to three months; that he would have lost some strength since the surgery, but most importantly, Danny will have to work through the pain and not lose the ground that he's gained in his flexibility. Please pray that Danny will "dig deep" and press through the pain, understanding that it will end.

Praise the Lord, we're still on for our big move in the coming new year. Our closing is set for January 8Th and we'll move in slowly afterwards. My goal is to have the new place painted, a ceiling mounted patient lift installed, the new appliances delivered, kitchen unpacked and organized and furniture delivered before we move in for good. It's going to be a busy month, but I'm blessed to have my mom in for most, if not all of that time. Hint, hint, Mom! Extend your plane ticket:)

For those of you who may not know, we have finally answered demand and inserted a "Donate Now" page to the Web site at http://www.dannyandallison.com/. Once you click on the Donate Now tab in the menu, you will be directed to a page with information on what your donations contribute towards and also where to send a check or how to donate by credit card via PayPal. Several of you have asked how you can help, and you'll find your answers there. Thank you to all of you who have donated; your blessings will be honored.

Corbin is growing up so fast and is definitely exploring his boundaries. It's difficult, but those sweet moments where he gives me an unsolicited "I love you, Mama" make it all worthwhile. It is so great to watch him grow closer with Danny and to see them interact more. Danny is very attentive to Corbin's actions and is helpful being another set of eyes for me. It will only be easier once we're all on one floor in our condo.

Corbin has been sick the last week. I think he is getting his molars, but am not 100% sure. I'm taking him to the doctor this afternoon to make sure there isn't anything more serious going on with him, especially before we board that plane. Please pray for him.

Lastly, I'm asking for prayers for me. I know there are those of you out there that pray for me, probably more than you do for Danny. I am very tired; emotionally, physically, spiritually, all the way around. I find myself growing impatient with Danny and Corbin and am having to really pull myself in to not cry and break down all the time. I am hoping this time in Arizona will give me some much needed breaks, but at the same time hate to put the load on my extended family. I also want to spend quality time with Danny and Corbin. I feel like all I'm ever doing is care giving and not being a wife and mother. It is a delicate balance for anyone, I know, but it seems especially heavy right now. I'm not even sure what to ask you pray for for me, but trust the Lord will lead you in the appropriate direction.

Merry Christmas to you all and I pray many blessings for you in 2008. I know we're excited for the New Year and what it holds for us.

Oh, if you love the picture of Corbin and the new family shot, email me and I'll send you the photographers information. She's great!

November 14, 2007

Look at Danny's posture! The picture was taken last Friday at therapy, which I suppose is obvious. Anyway, as you can see, Danny continues to improve even with those casts on his legs.

Speaking of casts, Danny's surgery went smoothly and he has only complained of minor discomfort. As predicted and hoped for, he is still able to participate in all aspects of therapy except walking which would be difficult for any of us to do. The casts get taken off on November 26th and he may or may not have to have braces on afterwards. We're believing that there won't be a need for any further equipment!

Loida had her reconstructive surgery on November 5th and is doing remarkably well. Doctors inserted her permanent implant and were also able to remove her port. She gets tired quite easily which is understandable and is looking forward to resting this weekend in the Bahamas.

As if all those praise reports weren't enough, I've saved the biggest one for last.

We're moving! Yes, you read that right. We're moving; all of us! All things going according to the Lord's plan; in January, Hector and Loida, her parents, me, Danny and Corbin will move to a condominium highrise. Danny, Corbin and I will be living in a 2-bedroom, 2 1/2 bath condominium and Hector and Loida, along with her parents will be right next store to continue to offer us assistance.

Danny and I are looking forward to being able to sleep in the same bed together and have the whole home wheelchair accessible. He'll finally get to participate in Corbin's bath time and diaper changing:) I am so excited to be able to have my own kitchen with my own things and be able to "nest." Isn't it wonderful? Danny won't be limited any more by his living space and we have the most beautiful view. We won't have to worry about Corbin falling down the stairs and with the park right there, he'll have lots of area to play outside. It is truly a gift from God.

These next couple of months will be very busy with the holidays and preparing for the move. We'll be in Phoenix from December 20th until January 2nd celebrating Christmas and New Years with our family there. Then when we get back it's pack, pack, pack! Since all of our stuff that we didn't sell has been in storage, we have to sort and decide what we're going to keep for the condo, keep in storage and then give away or sell. Plus, we sold our couches and we have to get appliances so we get to go shopping for new stuff! Please pray for wisdom and the Lord's provision.

Also, I have another prayer request to offer. When we needed transportation for Danny back in October 2005, the Lord provided our full size van literally the day before we had to bring him home from the hospital. It was a great price, with low mileage and it has been perfect for us; until now. Danny sits so tall in his chair that he cannot see anything, but the road in front of him. Additionally, he could be much safer riding in a typical position, in a tradition seat what with all the airbags and full back support. So, we have begun researching our options. Since Danny is so tall, a tradition minivan with ramp will not work for us and it doesn't get him in a regular seat. We're hoping to find a full size SUV that we can install a Bruno Turny Orbit seat - a fully powered, rotating and lowering mobility seat. This can be installed in a number of vehicles and basically converts your passenger front seat into one that is easily accessible. Please pray that the Lord would give us wisdom as to the appropriate timing of such an investment and also the right vehicle for us.

Lastly, we thank the Lord for opening this opportunity to have our own home to us and for His hand in Danny's continuing recovery. We're so blessed to have come to this place of independence; a place we never knew we'd return to. While this is a big step and we're so thrilled, please continue to keep Danny's mind, body and spirit in your prayers. The battle continues to his total goal of independence.

Oh, Corbin and I are doing fine too:)

October 17, 2007

I don't really feel like writing an update today, but knew that it was inevitable that I write one this week. I'm not even sure what I want to say because I think I'm avoiding a very difficult entry personally. So, before I think about it anymore, I'll just dive in.

Sunday, September 30Th, Danny and I fell. We were in the midst of a stand and pivot into his bed. It all happened so fast. His right knee gave out turning him away from his bed and towards the mat table in his room. I was able to save his head from hitting the floor, but his body rotated further and he hit the back of his head on the table before we fell to the floor. I lay there with him holding his head steady. He never lost consciousness and knew the answers to several questions. I could feel the swelling growing in my hand and then there was the blood; not a lot, but enough. In the midst was all the commotion around us.

The ambulance came and we went to the emergency room, where we hadn't been in almost two years. Danny's stats were fine. He had a CT-scan which came out normal with the exception of the previous injury. Our doctor told him to ice it and take Tylenol as he needed it. He could resume normal activity including therapy. All in all, a very scary situation came out alright for the most part.

The hard part now is the mental game that the event plays on us. Danny blames himself and is more concerned about me. I too was and still am sore considering I tried to keep 250lbs of dead weight from hitting the ground and fell with him sliding between the mat table and Danny's body. Danny isn't as confident in doing the stands/pivots and gets nervous that he isn't able to do it, not for himself, but for me. I guess it's good that Danny is thinking about me first before himself, but I know he can stand/pivot. His therapists have continued to do it with him for transfers at therapy and they encourage him that he is able and shouldn't be afraid. What plagues me most is the look in Danny's eyes as he fell; the deer caught in the headlights "help me" look, but I couldn't help him. I couldn't do anything more than I did and thank the Lord it wasn't any worse.

I've been thinking about that day a lot. So many things were happening that day; Danny's niece's birthday, Hector and Loida came home from a trip that afternoon, Corbin's new Friday sitter was there at the house, Danny had an outburst with his dad and then the fall to end the day. Distractions everywhere, responsibility overload. I truly believe that Sunday was an attack of the spiritual manifesting in the natural. Let me paint you a picture.

As you've read in the last update, Danny is in the midst of a huge breakthrough in his physical recovery. If he continues at that pace, Candy says he won't need her in two months. Wow! So, we're riding on this high hope of expectation and four days later, bam! Satan gives us a one, two punch. If he can discourage Danny and discourage me, if he can distract us from the Lord's purpose and goodness, if he can get our minds, then he wins. However, I know that the battle, the attack is strongest before the victory. I know that we're about to embark on something huge for the glory of the Lord and Satan doesn't like it. So, today, although I'm haunted by the image of Danny's eyes as we fell, I will not allow Satan to haunt me. The Lord is my rock and my shield and I put my trust in Him who lives.

Okay, now that we're past that, let me share some other exciting news. Wednesdays are usually the days that Candy ambulates with Danny, but Candy wasn't there that day. Another therapist, Josh, ambulated with Danny instead. I was encouraged because 1. Candy must feel that Danny is doing well enough to have someone else help him walk and 2. because Danny was just as strong as he was the previous week. He didn't sit on Josh's shoulder for support and made good time. Josh had just come back from vacation and hadn't worked with Danny in a while and he was very impressed with his progress. All good news!

Then, last Wednesday Danny had two hours scheduled with Candy. In the first hour they did something completely new with him. He had to stand up using a typical walker; over and over again. Then the second hour, they walked. While Danny didn't have a great day, Candy did tell him that he had a good day. He did well pulling himself up with the walker and was just so tired to get his legs to walk during that second hour.

Lastly, concerning Danny's physical therapy, on Friday I was able to see Danny walk in the pool. He had a therapist on each side of him and then walked. With his left leg, he was able to take a complete step, but still had to have assistance with his right. It was exciting to see and I look forward to seeing new things every week.

Next Friday, October 26Th, Danny will have his tendon release surgery for his ankles. We're really excited to get this over and done with. Danny will wear walking casts for about a month and then we'll see if he needs braces. Again, the best part is that he'll still be able to do therapy so he won't miss any of the momentum that he has going. Also, all the walking and standing that Danny has been doing, he's had to balance on the balls of his feet since he can't get his heels down on the ground. So, once he's able to use his whole foot for support, his therapists expect big improvements.

Our anniversary is the next day, so although it probably won't be the most romantic day, I am glad that we're still moving in the right direction with recovery.

The following is an excerpt of an email I sent last week. You'll find it to be very transparent and just some of the daily struggles from the brain injury stand point that we deal with. Remember, we're up against a brain injury; it's what all this comes out of.

"I hope that one day I can look back and realize why we're having to walk this journey. Danny asks me all the time why God allowed this to happen to him. And, I truly don't know the answer to that question. I believe that we'll know better one day and I sure hope that day comes sooner rather than later. I'm sorry to write so much; it's just that today is a hard day. As the Lord says to ask, believe and we'll receive, I keep on asking and I'm only receiving Danny's body back piece by piece which is fabulous. However, it's Danny's mind that I need. I need him to realize that he has hope, that he doesn't have to be angry, to watch his mouth in front of Corbin, to not be so hateful and judgmental, to be kind to others, etc. He just doesn't mean to do those things and it's hard to wrap my mind around the understanding, to have patience with him when it affects my life and Corbin's life. I am fearful sometimes that if Danny gets his physical back and he is this angry and full of negativity, that he could become violent; not that he would mean to, but in a fit of rage, much like someone that is schizophrenic, he could lash out of control. I don't want to live like that and I don't want him to be tormented anymore. I truly believe that he has these major spiritual oppressions on him and they're so hard to break free from. I don't understand why God would allow Danny to be tormented like this and thus me and Corbin. How is that a God of love, mercy and grace? How could Abba let his children suffer so? be so out of control of their minds? Then, I remember that we're not supposed to lean on our own understanding. How can I not when all I want is my family to be happy? I want to know why too, just like Danny. Why does Corbin not want to play with his dad or sit in his lap? Because Danny can't physically interact with him; why does it have to be that way? It breaks my heart to see Corbin turn Danny down for kisses and hugs because that is what Danny needs...unconditional love like that of his child. Why must Danny feel so abandoned and unloved, unworthy and hopeless? Why can't God give his mind the memory from where he has come from so Danny can realize that he is getting better? Do I need to bargain with God? I find myself doing that; "God, if you'll give Danny his mind and heart back, I'll deal with the physical limitations." Why do I feel like I have to do that? Why can't I have all of Danny back? I miss him so much; I miss him taking care of me, of holding me, of cheering me up, of sleeping in bed with me, letting me cry on his shoulder, getting my car washed and fixed and taking care of all of life's necessities. Will I ever have that? Is it possible that I have to give those dreams up to stay with Danny? Will it be like this for the rest of our lives? I don't want this life, but I want Danny."

Like I said, it is really transparent and hopefully will give you an insight on how to pray for us. I cannot express how important it is that Danny's healing come from within his mind, spirit and then body. Please let's covenant together to lift up Danny's mind first, believing that we will receive. I have been asking the Lord to show me His glory through Danny. Will you join me in that prayer?

Allison

September 27, 2007

It's official! Corbin is now 2 years old. Wow! Time does fly, doesn't it? Although his birthday is the 20Th, we celebrated on Saturday with friends and family. Corbin received lots of toys, cars and clothes. As soon as we blew out the candle, Corbin went straight for the icing. He had blue icing stains on his hands until the next day! It was beautiful and a lot of fun watching him enjoy the spotlight.

Concerning Danny, we've had an exciting couple of weeks. I know you're anxious to read about it, so here goes.

First of all, we're more than likely going to skip casting Danny's ankles and go straight for the tendon release surgery. After consulting with the therapist that casted him while he was an in-patient at Shepherd, we learned that Danny never gained much movement. So, rather than put this off any longer, we have an appointment on Monday with an orthopedic surgeon.

Secondly, last Friday Danny and I had a hour scheduled with Candy to work on stands and pivots. We did just fine and got our stamp of approval, but what stays with me the most is what Candy said to Danny. We discussed Danny's lack of motivation to do any therapy at home, especially the standing frame. She was shocked that Danny wasn't taking advantage of it and made a deal that he stand in it for an hour a day for one week. I'm pleased to say that he has made good on his deal with Candy, but that still isn't the news. While encouraging him to work at home, she told him that she knew with 100% certainty that he is going to walk again! She also told him along with that that she wouldn't have been able to say that the first day that she met him. Talk about making my heart leap for joy! And, yet, it still gets better. Read on!

As I mentioned in my last posting, Candy has been making Danny walk, with the assistance of the Argo to help him support his upper body, for four weeks. Yesterday, Danny had a huge breakthrough; all the therapists were talking about it. I even got an email while I was at work about how "unbelievable" Danny did. He gaited down and back the length of the basketball court TWICE! For you math wizards, that is four times. He had electrodes on his knees and in his shoes. He was not sitting on Candy's shoulder and was able to control his buttocks and trunk. But, again, the best part for me comes from Candy's mouth. She told Danny that 1. in one week, he'd progressed faster than anyone else that she's helped walk and 2. that if he continues on this pace, that he won't need her in two months. Yes, you read that right; TWO MONTHS!

Okay, okay, okay. Through the tears of joy and hope, I was able to watch the video of this exciting day. It was remarkable the difference between the first time they ambulated with Danny and yesterday. I sat there with Danny and with each step he took, I could almost feel the forward movement towards our freedom, towards our new life. It was as if every effort that Danny exuded was a drop of hope in me. I began to see a new life and more light from the end of this tunnel. And, as I watched, I remembered a dream I had last week.

At times in my life I have had very vivid dreams that are directly related to what I'm going through or something that I'm about to go through. I truly feel like it is the Lord preparing me or ministering to me. For instance, while I was in high school, my aunt had a brain aneurysm and was in a coma. I dreamed that she woke up and was completely fine. Just before Danny's accident, I had several dreams that I was separated from Danny and couldn't reach him; that he was lost and I couldn't find him. So, last week, I feel like I had another one of my dreams.

I was in a wheelchair; Danny's orange wheelchair, but it was mine. I couldn't move the chair myself and I couldn't walk. I was at a therapy center of some kind, in fact, I believe it was Shepherd since some of the patients in Beyond Therapy with Danny were there with me in my dream. There was hope for me to walk again so I must not have had a spinal cord injury; I must have had a brain injury like Danny. Well, I had to get something or go somewhere, but no one was there to help me. I remember thinking that it would be easier if I could walk, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I held onto the wall and stood a little unsteady and my ankles hurt like they were really tight and were getting a good stretch. I took a small step with my left leg and then my right and I quickly began to walk with more assurance with each step. In a matter of moments, I changed from not walking to walking just fine. I had to find Danny and show him. I found him playing pool and when he saw me, that beautiful smile and those beautiful brown eyes lit up his face.

When I woke up, I remembered the dream as clear as day. I still do. I'm not sure what it means. Perhaps I wish I could take Danny's place to spare him or do it for him, or perhaps it is what I hope will happen with him. It doesn't matter what it means, except that after his exceptional day yesterday, perhaps he will find that with each step, it becomes easier and more exciting.

I know I'll have more and more progress to report in the next coming weeks, so keep checking for updates on Danny's physical improvements. However, I also want to ask you to pray for Danny's mind, his brain. Remember, he has a brain injury and while the brain can reconfigure itself to tell Danny's body how to work, we also need it to work to remember things, to behave and speak appropriately and to have the ability to show a positive attitude.

Before I close, I do have to share with you all how well Loida is doing with her reconstruction. She has one more "fill in" before her permanent implant surgery on November 6th. She is really looking forward to it considering the doctor says it is several times less painful than the mastectomy. By the end of the year, she'll have her implant and be finished with all her treatments. 2008 will definitely be a brand new year for all of us!

Lastly, I want to offer thanks to the Lord. None of Danny's progress and none of our ability to get through this is independent of the Lord. He is the reason that I have strength to care for my family; He is the reason Danny is able to move, speak and remember. HE IS! With Him, ALL things are possible and I stand on the promises of His Word.

September 11, 2007

Greetings to you committed readers and stragglers alike! We welcome you back or for the first time to learn about our continued fight in our journey of life after a traumatic brain injury.

Monday, August 20th, our friends supported us with the 2nd Annual Chopper Classic Golf Tournament. It was a huge success and a beautiful day, hot as it was. We are excited and blessed to share with you that your contributions will cover Danny's therapy costs for the remainder of the year! We offer sincere thanks to those of you who volunteered, played, planned or donated. We have seen the work of the Lord through His provision through you all. Thanks!

If you can believe it, I can move onto bigger and better things. What could be better than raising money and a great day of golf? Well, Danny has had a couple excellent weeks of therapy and I'm thrilled to share the good news with you.

First of all, we met with Dr. Kaelin, Danny's neurologist, Tuesday, the 21st. He was excited to hear all the good news of Danny's progress from the therapists in Beyond Therapy. Dr. Kaelin has written an order to have Danny ankles casted in an attempt to gain more movement and stretch. As I've mentioned before, Danny's ankles are so tight from not being able to move them, that walking with a normal gait is near impossible. So, we're going to try the casting and if we gain movement and stretch, we'll continue with casting. However, if there doesn't seem to be any improvement, then Danny will more than likely have surgery to stretch those tendons. According to Dr. Kaelin, the surgery is relatively minor. Danny would spend three weeks in casts and then three more weeks in walking boots. The positive spin is that through this whole ordeal, Danny will not miss any therapy! He'll still be able to work towards his ultimate goal of independence.

Secondly, Wednesday the 22nd marked a huge day! I hate that I was at work and missed it, but through recent cellphone technology, I was able to see Danny walk. Yes, while supporting himself in the Argo walker, therapists assisted Danny to walk about 40 feet. It was thrilling to see, even if on a small, out of focus screen on Loida's cellphone. Danny has had ambulation twice since then and has improved each time. Last week, he "walked" the whole length of the basketball court. He took two, two minute breaks, but completed the challenge set by his therapists.

Last Friday, the 7th, Danny was able to get back in the water. He loves pool therapy and had to do something new. Therapists stacked steps in the swallow end and he had to sit on them and then stand several times. This exercise worked both his sitting balance and his strength to stand. He did great and worked through some major cases of the giggles to finish strong.

I'm also thrilled to tell you that since Friday, me and Danny have been doing unassisted stand and pivots. Okay, so I hear you all asking what that means. Well, it means that Danny uses me to help him stand from his wheelchair and pivot his body to sit on his bed, back in his chair, on the mat table, etc. This is huge progress and gives us a peak at what our future is going to look like - independence! I can only imagine what another two months in Beyond Therapy will do for our lives. I love it!

I also love that we're going to get to do something that many normal people do; get on a plane for the Christmas holidays. Yes, folks, after more than two years, we're going somewhere together, as a family. Danny, Corbin and I will travel to Arizona to spend Christmas and New Years with my family there. I'm so excited for Danny and am so proud of him for working so hard to get to this point. Of course, we have three more months until we leave so who knows how much more progress Danny will make before we depart. We are so looking forward to seeing something new and having a change of pace. However, we're also eager to get back after the New Year and finish this journey back through Beyond Therapy.

Corbin's 2nd birthday is next week! I can't believe that my baby isn't such a baby anymore. He is loving Nemo right now, so that is our theme. My parents are going to be able to be here for the celebration, so that is always fun to have Grammy and Papa here. Corbin has changed his nighttime routine; he climbs in bed with Daddy and watches Nemo while having his bottle and then off to bed. He loves it and Danny just sits there and cries because it is really the only time during the day that he is able to hold Corbin. I know that Corbin is truly his namesake; a gift from God. Corbin pulls me and Danny out of our blues and gives us a reason to keep going, to laugh and smile. I know that is a lot of pressure for such a little guy, but at this point, he is just being a toddler and that is entertainment in and of itself. He sings along with songs, dances to all music, plays with his cars and trucks, loves to be outside and is talking like crazy. He counts, sings the ABCs and never misses a beat. We can't imagine our lives without him.

To close, I'd like to take the spotlight off of us for a moment and ask you all to remember those who were lost this day six years ago and their families. Also, please say a prayer for those soldiers who fight for our freedom here and abroad. Six years ago, I had taken the day off work to have my bridal portrait taken. It was difficult to act normal although it seemed the world was falling down around us all. Of course, we all go through life with at least one time where we must trudge along though our worlds seem to be falling down on us. I understand and keep trudging.

Many blessings to you all and thank you for your continued prayer and support. I will be forever indebted to you.

Two verses were given to me a couple weeks ago that I had not received before this time. I was encouraged and feel it impressed on me to share with you.

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Romans 8:11

"By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see." Acts 3:16

I claim these promises for Danny; body, mind, and spirit.

August 16, 2007

Today we mark two years; 730 days since Danny's accident. I'm not even sure what to write except that I hate this. It is certainly not something I would choose to do; who would? I know the Lord is working it for our good, for a purpose greater than ourselves and I'm blessed to be used by Him; but I still hate it had to be this way.

Danny asked me yesterday morning what his plans were for the day; he was scheduled for therapy at 1 o'clock. I tried to encourage him; "just think, we're one day closer." He replied "But no one can tell me how many days are left to go. This is getting old." He's right, as usual. It is getting old. I'm so frustrated I can hardly stand it, but I can't give up now. I've invested two years to getting our life back to a simblance of normal and we're not there yet.

We want our own space, our own place, with our own things. We want to sleep in the same bed together. We need a different view; perhaps it will help pull us up out of this feeling of being trapped by this situation. We want Corbin to see Mama and Daddy sleep in the same room; to be able to crawl in bed with us both when he has a bad dream. We want him to know that his family is the three of us and for him to have an order and structure to his little life. We want privacy and quiet; to be be loud if we want to without feeling like we're being disruptive. Is this too much to ask?

Danny IS getting stronger, week by week. His memory surprises me sometimes; he has lost many memories that happened prior to his accident, but he is creating new memories and these are the ones that are sticking with him better. I find that encouraging and refreshing; I don't have to repeat myself so many times.

In Beyond Therapy, progress is being made. Danny still gets down in the dumps because "it's not fast enough" for him. Duh! It isn't fast enough for any of us.

He is:

• Back on the FES bike. His therapists had taken him off of it for a couple weeks because he wasn't able to tolerate it. Therefore, he wasn't getting the full benefit. However, he did great on it last Friday; completing the whole hour.


• Not dragging his toes while in the Lokomat. Initially, Danny dragged his toes on the follow through because his ankles were so tight. While they are still tight, he is now able to pick them up through the step and that is an obvious improvement.


• On the Giger at least twice a week and last Friday, set his best record; 1501 revolutions in about 35 minutes. The Giger is completely manual and Danny is now required to only use his left arm and legs to power it. He is also required to do crunches while pedaling to engage the abs, making his trunk stronger.


• Using his left arm more both at therapy and at home. He is moving it for every day needs and has shown incredible improvement during therapy. Piggy-backing on the left arm movement, Danny is also beginning to use both his arms to wheel himself around without prompting. He still struggles to get his elbow back far enough to get a strong push with the left arm, but it is improving.


• Without toe straps. His therapists believe it will encourage more movement of his legs and feet. He is not happy about this new adjustment, more for his right leg than his left. His left leg is strong and he can place his foot where he wants to. However, the right foot slides forward and he has to help pull it back with his arm. While this is frustrating to him, he is having to move both his upper extremities and his lower in order to keep his feet on the footrests.


• Standing longer and straighter. Last Friday, he stood for a whole hour, taking short breaks after many repetitions of mini squats, shifting his weight leg to leg, hitting a balloon back and forth, and throwing punches. He is still not able to hit the balloon or box with his left arm, but with his right, he is very strong. He was able to stand straight up while punching and hitting the balloon. This shows great improvement in his abs, back muscles; well, his whole middle!

I'm so proud of the effort he is giving while at Beyond Therapy. It truly has made a difference in his physical abilities and it can only get better. However, saying all that, I'm still waiting for him to get motivated to do some therapy things at home. For some reason, he just isn't initiating exercise. He can stand in the standing frame, reach for cones, use bands to do arm work and stretch his ankles, but he doesn't. I can't imagine how much further along he might be if he'd just get busy at home too.

Back to the anniversary, there is a scream lodged in my chest. You know when there are no words to voice how you feel in that exact moment; when you just feel a yell coming on hoping it'll relieve some pressure that has built up inside you? Well, that's me. Of course, I can't do that right now at work and really can't do it at home either unless I scream into my pillow. But, who has time to do that between keeping Danny taken care of and making sure Corbin is cared for too. It's not like I want either one of them to see me crack for a minute. Danny does sometimes, but then he just takes it all upon him; "it's all my fault." Then, while I know it's okay for Corbin to see Mommy cry sometimes, it breaks my heart when he looks at me and says "okay?"

I just hope Corbin doesn't remember this time of his life. Corbin calls other women "Mama" sometimes. That does wonders for me....just kidding! I just want to cry when he pays no attention to the fact that Mama just got home from work. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to stay home with him while Danny worked and provided. Both of us want it to be that way one day and perhaps it will, but we don't know for sure. Where does that leave me? I've always wanted to be a wife and stay at home mom; but now, I may have to work outside the home for the rest of our lives. I don't want to. When will God give us the desires of our hearts? I know he will; His Word promises it. But, like Danny, I want to know when, how much longer.

Speaking of my angel baby Corbin, he has a birthday coming up next month. #2! He is talking a lot and now says "I love you too" and he counts to ten in both Spanish and English. He still loves trucks and music and especially outside. It doesn't seem to matter the weather, that child wants to go outside. It's been hovering around 100 degrees for the last couple of weeks, but he doesn't care. Although this whole situation seems endless, Corbin is what helps me get through it day by day. Spending a few moments with him gives me strength to keep going. If not for Danny, if not for myself, it is for Corbin. He deserves to know how excellent his father is, how much we will do for him, and to trust in the love his parents have for him and for each other.

Onto more uplifting news, the golf tournament is on Monday, August 20th. We have already signed up more players than we had last year, so that is a success in and of itself. I thank you all for participating in any fashion and I look forward to seeing you on Monday.

Also, we have filed a suit surrounding Danny's accident. Please pray for wisdom and for God to work through this mess for our provision.

On a closing note, I know that this chapter will end. We will see Danny recover and we will be free. I cannot imagine the day when I do not have to do all that I do for Danny; when I can sleep through the night without turning him in bed or helping him to the bathroom, when he can take himself to brush his teeth, cut up his own food, drive, help with Corbin, pay the bills, get my car fixed and washed, change our cell plan, mow the grass, do the laundry, work, snuggle in bed, laugh again, pick up Corbin when he falls, take me out on a date, go on vacation anywhere. I can't wait.

Please continue to bang on heaven's door for us. The battle is strong, but I know it has already been won by Him who sits on the throne, who rose on the third day and who is my shield and my salvation.

July 19, 2007

Danny walking in the Lokomat on July 18th. What an awesome sight it was! See for yourselves!

July 12, 2007

I'm so thrilled to share with you the good strides that Danny is making in Beyond Therapy. He has now been for only six visits, but I personally have seen Danny do more physically than I knew he was able.

Last Tuesday, July 3rd, Danny rode the FES bike for 40 minutes keeping the electrical stimulation under 100%. He excels for the first 10 - 15 minutes, keeping the e-stim to less than 30%, but then you can see his body begin to fatigue. Of course, this is completely normal and of no surprise, but I was proud of him for pushing through the difficultly.

After the FES bike, Danny was transferred by sliding board to a half standing frame (see picture). While in the standing frame, Danny was able to pull himself to a standing position from gradually lowered positions until he was standing up from a seated position. It was awesome to see because not only did he do it once, but several times and was encouraged to hold each stand for ten seconds. I was elated to say the least and Danny was sweating!

From there, Danny was transferred to the hi-lo mat table (a matted table that can go up and down). He was seated on the side of the table, feet on the floor and given a contraption that he rested his arms, elbows bent, hands grasping two grips. From there he stood without pads keeping his knees from buckling while just holding onto the grips to support his upper body. His therapist asked him to pick up his left foot which he did. She told him that she thought he was strong enough to take a step with his left leg. She inserted a plastic brace in his shoe under his foot and behind his calf. Danny stood again and when he picked up his heel, his whole foot came with it and he stepped forward and then backward. I was almost in tears and he, of course, was just laughing.

I have seen Danny work really hard and I've also seen it make a difference in his outlook on the days that he works out. I truly hope that on some level he understands that every effort he gives makes a difference. It is all about small things adding up to the big ones.

Yesterday, Danny was able to pull himself to a standing position without any assistance! He was seated in front of a stationary bar and while holding onto the bar, he pulled himself up. Not only did he do it once, but several times and he was able to hold it for one minute! His therapist was calling all the others over to see what Danny was doing. I believe that says a bunch about his progress and his prognosis.

I'm so excited to tell you that on Wednesday, Danny will be on the Lokomat. The Lokomat is a robotic treadmill. It literally walks the patient for them, but at the same time measures the ability and effort that the patient is giving. I cannot wait to see Danny walking! Lokomat or not, it will be a sight to see. Don't worry; I'm taking pictures and video.

The Beyond Therapy program is such a blessing and I am unable to form words to tell you how much of an impact I believe it is going to be in this journey. I know Danny will walk this year and I am pressing onward knowing that the end is almost here. With the end of this chapter, it only begins another and I know the Lord will direct us to where His faithfulness to us will shine in the lives of others.

Thank you for the emails that you've already sent to Danny. I love them and so does Danny. Keep them coming!

Also, I'm so thankful to our friends and family that are organizing and volunteering in this years Chopper Classic Golf Tournament. I'm impressed with the caliber of this year's event and have hopeful expectations of an even bigger turnout from last year.

I've included some pictures of Danny at therapy and a couple more of the family. Take care and know that we all love you and are so appreciative of all the support we've received and continue to receive.

Day Two- Beyond Therapy

Beyond Therapy is here! Yeah! You cannot even imagine what this feels like for me. Yesterday morning, we rose bright and early and made it down to Shepherd Center for Danny's first day. We were met by friendly staff and a brand new gym area. After a few introductions, the BT team got down to business. The first matter of business was to do a complete evaluation of Danny and when I say complete, they were so thorough! Not only did they test his strength, flexibility and ability with him on his back, but on his left side, his stomach and his right side; in his chair and sitting on the side of the mat table. This consumed the majority of our time and thus gave the BT team exactly the information they need to customize a therapy plan for Danny.

During the evaluation, Danny joked with the therapists who happen to be all attractive women; let's hope that serves as motivation. He had a positive attitude and tried very hard to do all that they asked him to do. He was able to accomplish more than I've seen him do in relation to movement, especially in the left arm. I have encouraged him now to begin using the left arm independently as much as possible instead of using his right arm to assist the left. I'm beginning to think he's gotten used to assisting the left arm instead of trying to initiate movement each time. There were times when Danny was unable to move or lift or balance whatever the therapist asked of him, but then again there were times where her eyes got real big after seeing how strong some movements and limbs are. It was all very encouraging to me.

Following the evaluation, Beth, the therapist, put Danny on an electrical stimulation bike to see if he could tolerate it. The FES bike produces constant electrical stimulation in relation to how much effort the patient is able to give. Basically, if Danny isn't contributing, the e-stim is 100% which can be uncomfortable. So, Danny is encouraged to work harder to keep the percentage of stimulation to a minimum. Beth had to reset the machine a few times to get the amps at a place that Danny could tolerate it, but after we had that set, Danny did great. He never let the percentage rise above 95% and was able to get it down to 54%. He rode about 20 minutes which at his set RPM was about 3 miles. Isn't that great? Beth's final comment to Danny was that he has "a lot of potential." I'm thrilled! I just wish that had helped lift Danny's spirits.

Danny left BT apologizing as usual for all that we have to do for him and also was back down in the dumps. I'm not sure what else I can say or do to help Danny not only understand, but also believe how well he is doing and to be hopeful. His attitude keeps him bound so much that he is unable to see the potential. He is unable to get past his limitations and boldly exclaim "I will" instead of "I can't." It is very frustrating to me and I make a huge effort to be patient with him and put myself in his shoes as much as I can. I certainly can imagine what it must be like for him, but I cannot understand. So, I take a deep breath and swallow hard before I say anything. At this point, I've kind of thrown my hands up in the air and prayed that that Lord would start telling him how great he is doing because Danny isn't listening to me; perhaps he'll finally get it from God.

As uplifting as all those moments were yesterday, my personal most precious moment came before we even left the house. On Danny's Bible verse calendar, the verse was Hebrews 13:6 which reads "So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"." And, on my calendar, I read the verse that was given to me back in November with tears in my eyes and a lump of thanksgiving in my throat, Song of Solomon 2: 11-12; "See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land." I claim that for my family the rain is gone; the winter has past and we've entered the season of new growth and new life.

This morning, I rushed to get Danny out the door and to therapy on time before I had to head off to work. Loida was taking him today and I've already heard from her that Danny was in good spirits and was working hard on stomach crunches. I hope they make him work so hard today that he can physically feel the effectiveness of this "boot camp" type therapy. It will serve as the reminder that it is working and there is possibility where Satan would have him believe there was none.

Danny finishes his first week on Friday with another 9am - 12 noon session and then we will go only two days next week due to the July 4Th holiday. It is unbelievable that we are blessed to have such an opportunity with Beyond Therapy. Of course I want Danny to recover quickly so we can begin again, but I also want to get him out of BT because I know there is another family like us that is just hoping, waiting for this opportunity of hope. Please pray for those that wait for their turn; it can be so unbearable.

Please pray for Corbin. In the past week he has fallen back into his early tendency for sleeping poorly. I'm not sure what he is experiencing, but only at night, he will not fall asleep in his own crib. I must rock him until he is so asleep that he will not wake when I put him in his crib. Even then, he is not sleeping through the night and then is waking at 6am; three hours earlier than normal. When I place him in his crib, he screams as if he is in pain or scared. I can be right in front of him, but he is still screaming. It is only when I hold him and rock him that he settles down. Not only is this difficult on him since he isn't getting nearly enough sleep, but it is rough on me. So, please pray that whatever is tormenting Corbin's sleep will leave him and give him peace.

Again, I beg, urge you to email Danny. I know some people would rather call him, but he forgets those calls and those conversations. If I have an email to show him, it is evidence that he cannot dispute. He needs you. He needs to know that there are people out there that care for him and his recovery; that there are people that believe in him and his success; that people are praying for him and believing with him for his miracle. I can only tell him so much before it has no effect, but you can make a difference with a simple stroke of the keyboard. Don't address it to both of us or to me, but to Danny. Make him feel important because he feels worthless. I need you to do this for me because it breaks my heart to see him so discouraged. Please take a few minutes and write a thoughtful note of encouragement to him or a Bible verse that helps you through your own journey. Thank you!

June 21, 2007

Long time, no update. I know! But, I’m still in need of a volunteer Web master! Again, if you know anyone or if you are someone that has the know-how, time and willingness to assist keeping this Web site active, please contact me. For now, I'm trying out this new blogger tool, so consider this a test, not of the emergency broadcast system.

I am so excited to tell you that Tuesday, June 26th Danny will begin the Beyond Therapy Program. You have no idea how encouraging this will be to all of us. We received word weeks ago which has been both a blessing since we had a secure start date, but also was difficult because it was so far away. Now, with just five more days, my stomach has starting to churn with excitement to see how this is going to improve our lives.

At the same time, I realize that I may contribute to this "putting all our eggs in one basket" idea that may come back to bite me. I believe that somewhere in Danny is a fear that this program may not work. What happens then? I hadn't thought of that in all my ramblings about how this is what we've been waiting for and how this is the program that is going to get him walking, etc. However, in my heart, I know that Danny will walk this year. It is a hope that the Lord has planted in me and I can't let go of it. Yes, it is true I suppose; all our eggs are in this basket called Beyond Therapy and the folks that will be Danny's team.

Two weeks ago, Danny seemed very dark in his demeanor. It was difficult to encourage him at all no matter that we had a start date for BT. Even last night, he told me that it felt like a dream that was never going to come true. It does feel like forever, but again because we've put such an emphasis on the effectiveness of BT. I can't wait to see how quickly Danny will progress and where those improvements will be; the left arm? right leg? trunk control? How will this affect his attitude, his mentality, his spirit. My prayer is that as the Lord returns Danny to a sound body, that He also return Danny to a sound mind and spirit. It is more important that Danny's mind and heart be in the right place than for his body to work normally.

The good thing is that Danny recognized the fact that he was really down in the dumps. With no prompting, he asked if he could go back to counseling regularly. One, he remembered that he was going to counseling and with whom. Two, he had the intuition to identify the problem and initiate a solution. This is huge improvement and I believe is something we're coming to see on a more consistent basis. Praise the Lord!

Since the last post, I turned another year older and am now in a new decade - the 30's. I don't feel 30 years old and remember at 16 thinking 30 was so old. Now that I'm here, it's not so bad. I certainly pray that my 30th year on earth is better than the last two!

Loida is doing wonderfully. She has recovered remarkedly well and sees the doctor every few weeks for her "fill-in" as part of her reconstruction. Doctors inserted a saline implant that is gradually filled and then when all is right, they'll insert a more permanent silicon implant. This surgery should be sometime in August and is apparently not bad at all since the pectoral muscle is already stretched. So, Loida has slowly been adding more normal activities back in her daily schedule and Corbin is so glad that Abuela can play with him more.

Corbin is the cutest little boy in the whole world. I know I'm prejudice, but how can you deny it? He continues to move towards his independence and his appropriate "terrible two" behavior. Corbin now sings regularly or wants to be sung to, he just adores music in general and "go" which is his word for car. His vocabulary is expanding so quickly and he retains so much. I have to remind myself sometimes that Corbin doesn't have a brain injury like Danny. Kids remember so much more than we give them credit for. Overall, the boy is the best. Danny continues to increase his interactions with him and thus Corbin returns the favor. Danny thinks of Corbin when he is out shopping and apologizes for not being able to help me or Corbin when something is wrong. Danny has grown into his role as father. It is so wonderful to witness and I don't have words to match the pleasure in my heart.

Just before I close, I do want to tell you that the 2nd Annual Chopper Golf Classic has been planned for August 20th at Marietta Country Club. A planning committee has been formed and I hope to get more information on how you can participate soon. But, in the meantime, if you feel led to play, sponsor, donate prizes or service, or just volunteer, please mark it on your calendar and I'll get you a contact name and number.

As I close, the most important request I have is that you pray for this new chapter in Danny's recovery. Danny's attitude going into this needs to be positive, he will need encouragement and motivation to work through the physically demanding regimen. Please pray that Danny will see results that prompt him to continue fighting to recover and that he will learn that it is the Lord that is working through him. Please pray for us as we work to support him and help him through this time and that we have wisdom to help Danny make the best decisions. Also, a big request from me is that you send Danny emails of encouragement. I know several of you have already, but it is this time that Danny needs to hear from you all the most. So, let's really join together to let Danny know what a support team he has all over the world. I will be forever grateful to you.

Allison "excited beyond measure" Diaz